What the shizz! I don’t know if this Monstrous Mutated Mutation is some dude who ate too much at the McDonald’s in Chernobyl, or a mutated peen and sack that had too much viagra from the Fukushima pharmaceutical factory. I’m guessing the latter. If it starts growing suddenly or vomits a stream of pee, I guess we’ll know. I can’t unsee it and now neither can you. It ain’t no tardigrade.
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How do fortune tellers tell time? They don’t tell time, they tell fortunes. Which is probably why they use stuff like this Fortune Teller Skull Hourglass to tell the time instead of watches. Hey Fortune Teller. Tell my fortune to get here quick, cuz I’m sick of waiting to get rich. Come to think of it, every time I pay you I lose a bit of my fortune. Good day madame. I said good day. That’s the last time I visit a fortune telling squirrel.
Why do you always get drunk in the library? Shhhhhhhh. I read liqour-ra-ture. Like this Classic Horror Stories Secret Mini Bar. Don’t tells anybody. Let me go up to the bartender and shows you how is done. *Stumbles up to the librarian. Goes to sit down and falls due to lack of barstool. Rights myself. Touches my nose knowingly.*
I’ll take five fingers of Lovecraft on the rock-is. Get one of the shelf for you-self too pretty lady. What do ya mean, I’m cut off. I appear to be in one piece madam. Now my book if you will. I will say when I had enuf. *She hands me a copy of Tom Sawyer. I open it.* There’s milk in dis one. Why you cut a brother off- *snores and falls.*
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Bartender, serve me up a skull of the good stuff! These Ceramic Sugar Skull Shot Glasses are awesome. I’d like to see these guys crash through a wall like the Kool-Aid man, then say something Mexican. Maybe that’s just me. One has a mustache and one doesn’t so they may be man and wife. I have no idea. Kinda wanna smash ’em together and make ’em kiss, as they shatter into a million pieces. Maybe that’s just me again. Also check out these Sugar Skull Beach Blanket.
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I made up the fear scented part, but this Skull and Roses Soap mixes hygiene with horror nicely. Just lather up and try not to scream, unless it’s because the water is too cold, then scream all you want. I was going to make a comment about rubbing this skull face all over your privates, but I’m more mature than that. I took the high road. It makes a great macabre decoration for your bathroom. Any time of the year, but especially during Halloween.
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