Tag: etsy

Ileum and The Ostomy Plush

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Ileum and The Ostomy PlushDamn son! This Ileum and The Ostomy Plush is… Well, I had to look up what an ileum was and it’s the third portion of the small intestine aka your poop chute. This plush is like Homer’s Iliad, an epic hero’s journey…

This epic saga recounts the journey of our hero, Feceus. We begin near the end of our hero’s passage, in Ileum (the small intestines).

When Feceus tries in vain to reach the outside world via the rectum, he finds his way is blocked. He valiantly fights his way into the colon but can get no further.

The clever Feceus takes his mighty scalpel and severs the colon in twain! He then takes the end and pushes it through the abdominal wall to create a new exit into the world!

This new exit became known as the Stoma in this tale,
The Ostomy!

So yeah, that happened. Nice bedtime story.

Freddy Krueger Wine Glass

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Freddy Krueger Wine Glass
What’s wrong Freddy? You got a headful of wine? Yeah ya do. This Freddy Krueger Wine Glass keeps Freddy’s head so full of wine that he’s actually chill and won’t invade your dreams for once. Alcohol is wonderful like that. Maybe not calm. He looks pretty pissed about it cuz he wants to terrorize. He just can’t.

The Mothman Coffee – Cryptid Caffeination

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The Mothman Coffee
The Mothman never sleeps. He’s too busy flying around terrorizing people in the backwoods of West Virginia. Dude is wired. He’s like one cup of coffee away from getting busted by the police cuz he’s pleasuring himself against a telephone pole one moonlit night, while cooing softly, then hissing when the officer approaches. Just look at his eyes. He’s crazy caffeinated. Now you can go all Mothman too thanks to The Mothman Coffee. You may not get accosted by the Mothman, but you will be so f**ked up, you will feel like you were. Warning: You may wake up in a ditch on the side of the road naked and hear reports of Mothman sightings from the night before when you walk back into town.

Cthulhu Cupcake Liners

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Cthulhu Cupcake Liners
Cthulhu Cupcake Liners. For when you need some tentacles on your cupcakes. Speaking of which, doesn’t anybody knock around here? Caught me with my tentacles all over my cupcake. Now things are weird. Anyway, these cupcake liners have a cool passage around the side that you can read while fondling your cupcake. There’s nothing more embarrassing than having to buy a girl some cupcake liners in the grocery store. With wings? Without? Maxi? Mini? Too confusing.

Mounted Chupacabra Head

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Mounted Chupacabra HeadYep. That’s the guy who sucked the blood from my goat. Sorry officer, when I say it that way it sounds disgusting. Anywho, this Mounted Chupacabra Head is made from pulp and wood. Unlike the real thing, which is made in a government lab by scientists. The jaw is articulated, so you know, it can still suck. And it does. He looks like he’s making the orgasm face, so I’m guessing they shot him while doing the nasty.