Tag: gift

Hardcover Lycanthropy Book – Werewolf Lore

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Hardcover Lycanthropy Book - Werewolf Lore
A Concise Treatise on Lycanthropy. That’s too many big words for me already. But if I did have a higher than 3rd-grade reading level, I would totally love this Hardcover Lycanthropy Book. Cuz it’s about werewolves. Duh! They say it’s an exclusive reprint of the original work by Count Andreas Shibilis, lost King of the Gypsies. Well, la-de-da!

I had no idea the gypsies even had a king. That must be the guy in the biggest caravan. How does he know so much about werewolves? Cuz he is one! Only a wolfman could have so much knowledge about Lycanthropy that he writes a hardcover lycanthropy book. What, does he think we’re stupid? String him up, boys! Don’t let him live till the next full moon! What do you man it’s tonight?

Get that hairy gypsy wolfman! Gather up all your silver to meltdown for bullets. Why do you people only have silver-plated stuff? This is gonna take forever. Ow. Something bit me. Was it the wolf? Or that weird gypsy kid who likes to bite ankles. We’re all gonna die! *falls down crying*.

Skull Cigar Ashtray – Smoke ‘Em If Ya Got ‘Em

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Skull Cigar Ashtray - Smoke 'Em If Ya Got 'Em
What noble creatures we humans are. We create, we reach for the stars, we- Did you just dump your cigar ash in that Skull Cigar Ashtray? Have you no shame sir? No decency? Some dude’s brain used to be in there. Oh well. I guess he ain’t using it.

I do need a candy dish and candy sure would look good in that cranium. An everlasting gobstopper in each eye hole would give him that surprised look. Then I could lick the eyeballs all day and hopefully not get caught. I don’t know though. This skull cigar ashtray is looking at me weird. He’s kind of an ash-hole.

Human Lower Jaw Phone Holder for Your iBone

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Human Lower Jaw Phone Holder
Check out this Human Lower Jaw Phone Holder. You won’t get any jibber-jabber from it. You need both sections of the jaw for that. But it’s going to look awesome holding your smartphone. This smartphone holder comes in several colors, and all look badass. Perfect for your Apple iBone. So quit flapping your jaw and buy one so you can have a jaw bone on your desk. Isn’t that what we all aspire to? Yes. Yes it is. That and taking a bath with Alien Cat bath bombs. I’m living the life.

Rat Clock – It’s Half Past Horror

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Rat Clock - It's Half Past Horror
Hickory Dickory Dock, a rat just died in my clock. So that’s where that smell is from. Now I have a rat clock. It is always rat o’clock. Why is it holding that baby? I have no idea. Must have snatched it and tried to make a getaway, but he was out of time. Speaking of the time, I have an appointment at half-past rat-a-twoey and it’s already 1:45. What time is it now? You know what they say. It’s half-past a rat’s ass and a quarter to his balls. Forever.

Rib Cage Earrings – Nice Ribs You Have There

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Rib Cage Earrings
These Rib Cage Earrings let you wear your ribs on your ears. I’m not even ribbin’ you. Sorry, I took too much Nyquil and my mind is in a frog. Ribbit. Come to think of it, Rib Cage is an awesome name. Works for naughty movies, wrestling, and action heroes. A lot better than Nic Cage. And if that action hero is Scottish? He’s McRib Cage. Which is how they round up McRibs for those awesome sandwiches. I’m off to get more Nyquil.