Tag: gift

Moth Man Plant Pot

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Moth Man Plant Pot
This Moth Man Plant Pot is all kinds of awesome. F-ing awesome. Damn awesome. Even moth-some. Super duper triple nipple moth-some. (What?) Hey, welcome to my headspace. I know that some plants prefer to grow in the darkness and it doesn’t get any darker than growing out of Moth Man himself. Plus it makes this cryptid look super amazeballs with spiky hair. He’s gonna be a real hit with the ladies now. Mothman on the prowl yall. On the prowl and making ladies howl. He kinda looks like a Pokemon. And those eyes are hypnotizing me. Telling me to buy it and put a weird cactus in it so he looks extra cool and punk rock.

 

I should make my own cryptid super team to go along with this guy. Like Broth Man, who always has some tasty soup for ya. Then there’s David Lee Roth Man who is just super cool and rocking all the time. And Sloth Man who is just slow as hell and dumb too, but the other guys just put up with him. We all have that friend right? What a dumbass. Uh… It’s usually me. Oh man, I just realized that and now I’m sad.

Nosferatu’s Hand Belt Buckle

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Nosferatu's Hand Belt Buckle
Nosferatu’s veiny and ring-fingered hand hovering over my junk? That doesn’t sound like a good time to me, but if you want a vampire’s hand to hover over your wooden stake, then this Nosferatu’s Hand Belt Buckle is for you. Nosferatu is a weird name. I used to have a friend named Josh Feratu, who liked to have a nosh feratu, but he was stinky and in need of a wash feratu. Oh my gosh feratu!

And this is why you don’t send an idiot to do a blogger’s job. Way too late for that. This idiot has been in charge the whole time. And this idiot doesn’t need some Vampire Nightstalker’s hand over his business to feel manly. My own hand will do just fine, thanks. Well, I didn’t mean it like that. Well, I didn’t, but now that I think about it… Could be fun.

Unhand my manhood Nosferatu! This Nosferatu’s Hand Belt Buckle is getting freaky with me. It does go with the Nosferatu jacket though. Anyway, I just rubbed my man junk in garlic so the joke’s on you belt buckle. And on that guy in the next urinal who nearly passed out when I unzipped my fly.

Enamel Cobweb Collar Points – Creepy Couture

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Enamel Cobweb Collar Points
Dust off your collars you sexy goth girls and make room for these Enamel Cobweb Collar Points. So sexy. So spider webby. So on point. You get the point I’m making here? Oh what a tangled web you weave. On your collar. This is the sharpest looking thing to ever exit a spider’s butt. Unless it ate glass or something. You never know. Spiders are a weird lot. Anyway… That is some creepy-couture right there. A great axe-cessory. A touch of Goth if you will. (Usually a touch of goth for me ends with me in a sleeper hold and told to mind my hands.) Perfect for you mavins of macabre and frightening fashionistas. These points are on point. In a very pointed way. The Pointer sisters would approve. I’ve pointed the way to fashion. Now all you have to do is collar up with these Cobweb Collar Points baby. And I just pointed you right to ’em like a pointer dog. He heh. These jokes never got old. (Dusts some mold off of that last joke while you aren’t looking.) These things make your collar look like an old dusty house. In a good way.

Get you some style Goth girls.

Alien Beer – It Will Abduct Your Senses, Probe Your Holes

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Alien Beer
If you ever wondered what those grey abducting space bastardos drink just before they swerve to a stop and activate their tractor beam, here it is: Alien Beer. Well, it’s non-alcoholic to us, but these little butt-probing weirdos get drunk on the stuff. Which explains that one encounter I had where it kept telling me how pretty I was. A 4-pack will cost you almost $400. I call that Alien inflation, which is also what I call it when I pump up that cute little alien doll I have hidden in the- Nevermind.

Real Old Medical Slides

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Real Old Medical Slides
These old medical slides are creepy. Which is why I’m thinking about hanging them up in the old castle here. They’re from a West Virginia VA Hospital and feature educational diagrams. You know, so you can learn how to do all kinds of medical stuff. Not like open-heart surgery or anything, but I could learn to be a real doctor, with real malpractice suits and everything. Awesome.