The Porcupine Lamp always stays on, cuz I reached up into the shade once to turn it off and I needed like 400 stitches. My electric bill is like 2 grand a month, but it’s much safer this way. If you do cut yourself, at least that curved horn under the shade will channel your blood all in one place for easy clean up though. There’s that. That’s a selling point right there. Oh poopy. The bulb just blew. Time to get my chain mail long sleeved shirt and gloves. Screw it. I’m just gonna get the paper towels and band-aids right now.
Tag: home decor
Clear Half Fetus For Your Wall
This Clear Half Fetus needs a womb with a view. You decorate with this thing and it will look like you got angry and just chucked a womb-y slimey fetus against the wall like it was a basketball and now it’s just embedded there. Nothing but net- *Splat* Oh nevermind. I like how it has that “in the womb” look. Icky and sticky. Somebody slap that things ass and hose it off. It’s a great conversation piece. If you have the womb for it.
I feel like it should have an umbilical cord hanging down that doubles as a phone though.
Real Working Uncle Fester Lamp
This Real Working Uncle Fester Lamp is not just some dude that had a light bulb shoved in his word-hole cuz he wouldn’t shut up. It’s a real lamp based on the scene in The Addams Family. Now he can light up your room and your life. I think he needs sleep. Those bags under his eyes don’t look good. This thing is pretty creepy all lit up in the dark. I think it needs a lampshade that is a muzzle. That would be even scarier.
Life Size Poseable Skeleton
This Life Size Poseable Skeleton has locking joints so you can pose them anyway you want. You know what that means, right neighbors? That’s right, my skeletons are lewd and crude and full of attitude. And not to be misconstrued. You live next to me and you’re screwed. And now I ran out of rhyming words. But basically I’m saying that I’m posing ’em all nasty like. Deal with it. You have blinds.
Ornate Coffin Mirror
Step up to the Ornate Coffin Mirror and have a gander. See who is resting in peace. Spoiler alert. It’s you! It’s always gonna be you. And since you are going to die one day, this mirror tells the future. Unless you choose to be cremated. Then you’ll just show up as a blurry ashy shape in the mirror. What a thrill, to wake up and look into a coffin every morning and see your own fugly face of mortality staring back at you. Makes you feel alive. Also depressed.