This Golden Poop Emoji Bottle Opener is the shiny golden turd that will open all of your bottles. He looks happy about it too. The poop emoji is the best. He beats all other emojis cuz poop. Poop trumps everything. You know who wins in a game of rock, paper, scissors? Poop. Poop wins every time. I dare you to find a cuter gold poop that can pop your caps off.
Tag: novelty
Teeth Pendant Necklace
This Teeth pendant necklace is a bunch of teeth and pink gums in necklace form. Why? Because the tooth fairy gets bored. And is also touched in the head. It will look real nice with a Christmas sweater and will probably chew any and all crumbs that you drop. Make sure you brush ’em day and night.
Phrenology Head Cufflinks
Phrenology is the study of the head. True science. You can learn a lot by looking at a head. Like if it has lice or hasn’t been washed in like 5 days. So totally true. These Phrenology Head Cufflinks honor this science and put some classic looking cue balls on your cuffs.
Go ahead, feel my head and tell me all about my metal disorders and personality traits.
*Touches my head and massages my scalp.* This spot says that you are a very creative person.
Nah, that’s just where I fell and hit my head. Although I was creatively doing Jackass stunts at the time and having my friend hit me in the nuts while going down a windy mountain road doing about 50 in a shopping cart.
This area is all about your sex life.
Is it small? Is it a tiny area? Yeah, then that’s accurate too.
See, it’s a real science. No doubt about it.
Zombie Attack Cereal Bowl
I can vouch for the authenticity of this Zombie Attack Cereal Bowl. Looks authentic. I know cuz last week I was sitting down to enjoy some Lucky Charms when a zombie attacked me and sent Hearts, Stars, Horseshoes and Clovers flying all over the place. I bashed it’s head and killed it with nothing but my spoon. This is what my bowl looked like after. Otherwise, I never would have known that my bowl had a fleshy center.
Nightmare Before Christmas Sally Doll Head Ring
This Nightmare Before Christmas Sally Doll Head Ring is a doll head made into a ring. I think Eric Clapton said it best:
Lay down Sally,
Gonna drill right through your head.
Don’t you think you want someone to wear you?
Pretty sure he said that. I bet he’s saying that now. I heard he reads this blog and sings songs about all of the creepy cool stuff I show you. You Eric, how about some concert tickets. I don’t want to go. Just wanna scalp them like this doll head.