I am stuck on band aid brand cos band aid’s stuck on me! Leave a message that will get people’s attention. No one gives a s**t when they see your stupid little post-it note. Bandages get people’s attention. That’s why i use these Bandage Sticky Notes. I’ll write stuff like:
“If ya find this note fab, I’ll show you my scab. I pick it all day, and all through the night. It’s now an infection, and it’s on my er*ction. PS Can you pick me up from the ER? Thanks”
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Me need wet wipes. Me pee my pants! You guys and gals are a great bunch of readers. You always tell me that I make you laugh so hard that you wet your pants. Sounds like you have a bunch of wimpy bladders if you ask me. Anyway, I thought it was my duty to share these helpful Me Pee My Pants Wet Wipes with you.
Mark the box, “For Creepbay reading only.” That way when you wet yourself, you can clean up. Your welcome.
Grow Your Own Hairy Beaver like it’s the 70s. Well, maybe not THAT hairy. People were crazy back then. This cool pet for your desk will have everyone wanting to look at and pet your beaver. “That’s filthy!” says some woman in Montana as she thumps her bible. But I guarantee you one thing. She wants to touch it. It’s just gardening after all.
Just put your beaver into the watering bowl and cover it with grass seeds. Then watch as your beaver gets nice and bushy. Trim your beaver. Give it a mohawk, whatever you want.
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Birds are bombing us every day and every night, in a gooey campaign of shock and awe, hoping that they’ll wear us down. That’s why hoodies were invented in the first place. True story. The point is, birds poop all over us and our stuff, so why not prank someone with these fun Bird Poop Stickers. They look just like real bird turds.
Put them all over that expensive car across the street for instance. What a sh***y thing to do!
Icy Dead People. In my drink. It’s the sequel that M. Night Shyamalan wanted to direct, but after his last few craptastic movies, he couldn’t get the budget for a glass and a bucket of ice. The big twist at the end of the movie was going to be that these bodies were actually floating in Lemonade, NOT in Fruit Punch. Bam! Another M. Night Shyamalan classic.
I’m gonna play the X-Files theme while I watch these guys bob up and down in my Iced Tea. Then I’m gonna bite their heads off like the man-shark I am.