Tag: grow your own

Grow Your Own Hairy Beaver

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

grow your own hairy beaver
Grow Your Own Hairy Beaver like it’s the 70s. Well, maybe not THAT hairy. People were crazy back then. This cool pet for your desk will have everyone wanting to look at and pet your beaver. “That’s filthy!” says some woman in Montana as she thumps her bible. But I guarantee you one thing. She wants to touch it. It’s just gardening after all.

Just put your beaver into the watering bowl and cover it with grass seeds. Then watch as your beaver gets nice and bushy. Trim your beaver. Give it a mohawk, whatever you want.
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Pet Zombie Plant Garden Starter Kit

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

pet zombie garden kitI always wanted to grow my own zombie. Now I can thanks to this Pet Zombie Plant Garden Starter Kit. I can’t wait to grow him real big and cut off his head! Why else ya gonna grow a zombie? It’s all about practice for the zombie apocalypse.

Growing a zombie has gotta work out better than that time I bought that Batman figure that was supposed to grow six times it’s size. I took it out of the package and waited. Nothing. DID NOT grow. Just stood there being a weenie sized Batman. So I got pissed off and flushed it down the toilet.

Big mistake. Two hours later I hear this gurgling and groaning sound like two epic foes are fighting deep inside the pipes. Next thing you know the toilet explodes and Batman bursts out, all intertwined with Clayface as they battle.

Long story short, that was poo, not Clayface. And I really should read instructions. *Facepalm* He grows in Water! That’s how I acquired my limited edition poo armored Batman figure with authentic Gotham sewer scent.
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Grow Your Own Hooker / Pimp / Pole Dancer / Naughty School Girl

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

grow your ownBad parents unintentionally grow hookers, pimps, pole dancers or naughty school girls. And now you can too. Without all of the diaper changing, parent/teacher conferences and eventual calls from jail. Just add water. Choose wisely. They are $3.45 each plus shipping.