Sloth in a Matchbox

etsy sloth in a matchbox
Hey a Sloth in a Matchbox. He looks super comfy in there too. Makes me think of my dear departed grandmother. She used to always say, “Get up you lazy idiot. You’re like a sloth in a matchbox!” Yeah, too bad I’m not a sloth in a matchbox wearing headphones you old- Then the frying pan would hit me in the head.

That’s horrible. You said departed. When did your grandmother die?

Die? Look at this knot on my skull. Does that look like she left this Earth? She got this sloth out of the matchbox and departed for the grocery store. That crazy old bat. Is it odd that I like to sleep on matchstick shavings? Now if you’ll excuse me this sloth is going back to bed. Extinguish all lit cigarettes please.

Fleece Sloth Animal Hat

fleece sloth hat
This Brown Fleece Sloth Animal Hat will keep you warm, but it will take all damn day to do it. Do you have any idea how slow Sloths are? They’re full of slow slothhy sloth-ness, which is a medical condition. You would have to tell this hat, “Hey, I’m going out next week and it’s going to be cold. I’m gonna put you on my head now. So get your s*it together and start placing your arms in ear-warming and scarf positions now.”

It might be ready by next week if you’re lucky. What the hell is the Sloth’s problem? It’s so damn chill and slow. The stoner of the animal kingdom. Are there no predators you are worried about? Speed it up man! Even I got predators. What’s that? Oh right. Those are creditors. Always get them confused.
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I’ve Done All Of Those: 7 Deadly Sins Tattoo Tights

7 deadly sinsThe 7 deadly sins. I have done and survived all of ’em. But I didn’t look that sexy doing ’em! Look at those gams! Holy cow! I used to be a butt man, but now I’m a leg man. She transformed me, just like that. You have some powerful legs, Miss Etsy model tease. Man I envy you-

Score! Did it again. I am breaking these commandments like a Kit-Kat Bar. Oh snap! Did it again. That would be gluttony for all of you keeping score at home. Cause I had like 10 Kit-Kats already today. That is also greed. Just layin’ here eaten ’em up. All sloth-like. Boo-Ya! You…Just…Can’t…Stop…Me!