Check out this video to learn how to make some cool wire bat jewelry. I tried it myself, but the end result was just a ball of copper the size of a baseball with 2 ears. I probably shouldn’t let the liquor do the driving during craft hour. Which was actually 4 hours as far as I can tell and involved my pants coming off so I could collage my man-junk.
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Tag: craft
Creepy Crochet – Cup o’ Fingers
Cup o’ Fingers anyone? Anybody? No? Too gross? It’s all good, it’s just some creepy crochet that a creeper crafted up. I’m not much into finger food myself. I mean, I’ll eat it with my fingers, sure. Then wipe the grease all over my shirt. What? “Shirts ain’t nothin’ but giant napkins you wear!” Sage advice if I ever heard it. That little gem came from my 400 pound uncle. Probably not the best role model. He was so fat, he had trouble moving, basically had to sit still Buddha style and have food brought to him. Sometimes I would rub his tummy for luck as I passed by. That man wore the same napkin for 20 years… Until napkins stopped fitting him.
May Cthulhu Eat This House Last – Cross Stitch
True that! Put this May Cthulhu Eat This House Last – Cross Stitch on your door and Cthulhu will be full by the time he gets to you. Technically, if we all put these on our door, everyone will be safe because we can’t all be last, yet Cthulhu will obey the command. Now we beat him using logic! High five everybody!
*A hellish wind kicks up. Rips the cross stitch off my door.* Oh f**k!
Paranormal Alphabet Cross Stitch Pattern
If you’re looking for a cross-stitch pattern that features all kinds of paranormal stuff, check out this Paranormal Alphabet Cross Stitch Pattern. This thing is like a conspiracy wrapped in a riddle, with a creamy nugget enigma topping. It has the Illuminati, UFOs, Aliens, the Jersey Devil (I hear he recently relocated to New York) and much much more. It’s like the X-Files as created by a Golden Girl. Mind blown! The truth really is out there. Wayyyy out there.
My grandmother would love this pattern. She likes to sit in her chair knitting all night, wearing a tin-foil hat, so that the aliens don’t get her. That’s why I have like a hundred half finished shirts with Bigfoot getting out of a UFO. Don’t worry grandma, you’re safe for now, but displease me once more and those aliens in the clean white coats are coming to take you away.
Psst. I found a sweet and dirt cheap “Retirement community”. Odd that the guy that runs it likes to meet in back alleys. Also odd that the place looks like a burned out building with a bunch of homeless people, but what do I know about cutting edge elder care?
Val Kilmer Paper Doll
You loved him in Willow. You hated him in Batman. Now is your chance to dress Val Kilmer up anyway you like and make him look like a sissy-boy thanks to this Val Kilmer Paper Doll.
Just like mom did to me. Sadly, some of that stuff looks like it came from my closet, but whatevs. I look way better in that striped “smock”. It’s not a dress. It’s a smock. For a schmuck.
Have Val Kilmer in the palm of your hand with this unique paper doll set. Perching a hat, or a bow on his head, and marvel at how softly his hair falls on his shoulders. Explore his body with two dimensional dresses, slacks and bathing suits. With so many outfits and accessories to choose from, you’ll be wishing you and Val wore the same size.
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