Living Dead Dolls Nightmare on Elm Street Freddy Krueger with Sound

Living Dead Dolls Nightmare on Elm Street Freddy Krueger with Sound
It’s the Fredster. The Krueger-meister. The Freddy steady go man. Sorry, it’s just that I’ve been awake for like 57 hours trying to avoid Freddy Slash-fingers. This Living Dead Dolls Nightmare on Elm Street Freddy Krueger with Sound, on the other hand, is a pretty adorable version of Freddy. He says 7 film phrases. He’s got his striped sweater, a removable hat, and his razor glove. He stands 10-inches tall, with 5 points of articulation.

Phrases include:
“Come to Freddy.”
“You’re all my children now!”
You shouldn’t have buried me. I’m not dead!”
Kids. Always a disappointment.”
“You think you was going to get away from me?”
“Ha ha ha ha ha!”
“Every town has an Elm Street.”

Edgar Allan Poe’s The Raven With Talking Raven

Edgar Allan Poe's The Raven With Talking Raven
You’ve probably read Edgar Allan poe‘s The Raven many times and up until you have been missing one crucial thing. A raven. And even if you do have a raven, you sit with your book club reading it out loud, having to make due with passing around a dead bird. Well, those days are over. Edgar Allan Poe’s The Raven With Talking Raven is a mini edition of the book that comes with a bird that says “Nevermore” when you press the button.

Friday the 13th Jason Voorhees with Sound 15-Inch Doll

Friday the 13th Jason Voorhees with Sound 15-Inch Doll
Look out for this minislasher. The Friday the 13th Jason Voorhees with Sound 15-Inch Doll is the terror of mini Camp Crystal Lake. Jason comes dressed in real cloth clothing and has 9 points of articulation. Also an appropriately sized machete. He’s a psycho of small stature. It plays his iconic signature sound effect so at least you’ll know when he’s coming for you.

Authentic Bigfoot Call

Authentic Bigfoot Call
Guys this is the most accurate Bigfoot calling device ever, at least since that spicy taco fart I did while camping in 1976, which resulted in a three Bigfoots circling my tent wondering what that trash smell was and if the mountain was on fire with ass somehow. This Authentic Bigfoot Call seems totally legit. I’m willing to take their word for it, mostly cuz I’m too lazy to look up a video on Youtube. I’m sure it doesn’t sound anything like a kazoo f**king a duck or anything like that. Just blow into it and it will call a Bigfoot. So it is basically a Bigfoot phone. You know how else you can call a Bigfoot? Hang up a dead goat in the forest and wait. This device is much less messy. Also where do you even find a goat that isn’t part of a meme? No idea.

Fart Piano

fart piano
You may not give a toot, but the Fart Piano is a piano that makes fart noises. Naturally, I’m interested, my own bunghole being off key.

It’s nine o’clock on a taco day
The regular crowd cropdusts in
There’s an old man sitting next to me
Ripping one with a big grin
He says, “Son, can you squeeze me a memory
I’ve really just run out of farts
But it’s sad and it’s sweet and I knew it complete
It smells like 3 rancid pop-tarts.”

La la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum
Sing us a song, you’re the fart piano man
Sing us a song you louse
Well, we’re all in the mood for a melody
And your farts peel the paint from the house…

Check out a video below where a My Little Pony farts the classics. Seriously.
Read more “Fart Piano”