Tag: statue

Alien Mummy In Coffin

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Alien Mummy In Coffin

Check out this Alien Mummy In Coffin. I’m positive it is authentic. No doubts whatsoever. The seller says so. It was supposedly found in the Carpathians in western Ukraine and is the body of an alien child that seems to not be subject to decay. Yep. This is totally the real deal. No question about it. And besides, This Alien Mummy In Coffin does look like one of the little guys who woke me up that night and ran a bunch of anus-related experiments. Fare thee well intergalactic freakazoids and thanks for the Prep-H.

Not to be confused with Mummy Mike.

Alien Man In Black Mannequin

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Alien Man In Black Mannequin
You could have this Alien Man In Black Mannequin in the corner of your room, protecting his pee-pee with his white-gloved hands and hoping that he is invisible. So is it a man in black or an alien? Make up your damn mind. And get your hands off your junk. This is what I want in a butler by the way.

Alien.
Well-dressed.
Stand in the corner and shut your abduction-hole.
Hide that boner!

Until I ring the bell. Then bring me my food biatch! You better cut that Snickers properly this time so I can eat it with a fork.

Skull Mushrooms

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Skull Mushrooms
Looks like we got a fungus amung us. These Skull Mushrooms look like a couple of fungis to hang out with. Maybe to go bowling with. Pick up a spare spore. See this is why you don’t bury your dead in a mushroom field. This is also why I don’t do hallucinogens.

Gothic Gargoyle Guardian Statue

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Gothic Gargoyle Guardian Statue
This Gothic Gargoyle Guardian Statue is pretty badass. I recently bought one of these for the corner of my house so I know he’s a good guardian. This guy protected me from the neighbor’s cat that was squished under its massive weight as it slid off my roof. I probably should have used another roll of duct tape.

Edgar Allan Poe Bronze Bust

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Edgar Allan Poe Bronze Bust
This Edgar Allan Poe Bronze Bust is so scary awesome. It’s so good I asked the seller if I could get it bigger. “Can you increase my bust size?”, I said. They said yes and I said, “Cool. Currently, I’m looking at an A cup, but I’m eyeing a pair of Cs.” Then I put my binoculars down as they hung up. True story.