Why do Octopi always wrap themselves around treasure boxes? It’s like they can’t resist them. I have no idea, but I know what I’m gonna do the next time I need to distract an octopus. I’m gonna dress a treasure chest up in a bikini and whistle, then throw my voice and say, “Hey big boy.” Then I can get the real treasure chest. Guess I showed you Octo-loser! You can raise all of your tentacles into fists all you want, but I’m rich! I’m rich! And you’re just a bit- Stop hugging my face with your tentacles! Where are you dragging me? I guess I didn’t really think this through. Shoulda just bought an Octopus Treasure Chest Trinket Box.
Tag: treasure chest
Troll-Topped Monster Storage Box
This Troll-Topped Monster Storage Box is pretty awesome. In D and D, when you find a special box like this in the dungeon, you know it contains a magical item or two. Maybe even some magical fruit that doesn’t make you toot. My campaigns usually go something like this:
My DM: You see a large chest with a troll head on it. What do you do?
Me: I look from the chest to the woman’s face and ask her where she got such a lovely troll tattoo.
DM: Seriously?
Me: Yeah. It’s quality work.
DM: Do something else.
Me: I wet my thumb and rub the chest, seeing if the troll comes off.
DM: Roll a Dex check. You fail automatically. The chest eats you.
Me: So I’m inside the chest? Can I motorboat?
DM: We’re done here.
Read more “Troll-Topped Monster Storage Box”
Stitched Skin Chest
Take that! Suck it you giant Troll. Guys I beat the boss! I’m gonna open the chest. Ewww. Wait! I’m not opening that. It’s looking at me from like every side. This thing is like a Beverly Hills housewife. You need a scalpel to open it up and get the money out! Only this thing ain’t gonna look any better after.
You can’t even try to pick the lock because the damn teeth will snap at you. Oh well, no skin off my chest. Seriously, stop looking at me. What did I say to have you in stitches anyway? You can keep all of your gold and sweet dungeon loot. We’re off to another dungeon. You might want to see a dermatologist pal.
Read more “Stitched Skin Chest”