Tag: evil decor

Wooden Head Knife Block

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

wood head knife block
Check out this wooden head knife block from Etsy seller DisturbingWood. Ha! DisturingWood! You should see me in the morning! *rimshot*

I need another knife block like I need a knife through my wooden head, but if you buy this one, make sure you giggle every time you slam a knife down into it, just to make your guests or housemates really uncomfortable. No charge for that tip. I have a million ways to clear a room and they don’t all involve ejecting poison gas from my butthole. Although that is my specialty.

Stitched Skin Chest

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

skin chest
Take that! Suck it you giant Troll. Guys I beat the boss! I’m gonna open the chest. Ewww. Wait! I’m not opening that. It’s looking at me from like every side. This thing is like a Beverly Hills housewife. You need a scalpel to open it up and get the money out! Only this thing ain’t gonna look any better after.

You can’t even try to pick the lock because the damn teeth will snap at you. Oh well, no skin off my chest. Seriously, stop looking at me. What did I say to have you in stitches anyway? You can keep all of your gold and sweet dungeon loot. We’re off to another dungeon. You might want to see a dermatologist pal.
Read more “Stitched Skin Chest”

Horror Movie Gnomes Make Your Garden Gruesome

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

horror movie gnomesIt is a well known fact that nothing protects your garden like a goofy looking Gnome. So imagine how well your garden would be protected with Slasher Movie Gnomes. If they want to mess with my Marigolds, they are going to have to get through Jason Voorhees first. Or Freddy Krueger.

Etsy seller RevenantFX makes all kinds of horror movie Gnomes to keep your pansies safe for about $53. Because if pansies could protect themselves they wouldn’t be called pansies now would they? That’s Jason Voorhees above, just waiting for someone to disturb some soil. Click through for more movie slashers turned Gnome.
Read more “Horror Movie Gnomes Make Your Garden Gruesome”

Devil Phone Gives You a Direct Line To Hell

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

devil phoneThis art piece is appropriately called “He Only Calls Me When He’s Horny“. For the record, I just get busy. I mean to call, but then I get distracted by work, video games, action figures, and writing Star Wars fan-fiction, in that order. By then my schedule is clear enough to fit some other things in. It’s just a coincidence that I’m horny at that time. It has nothing to do with Jar-Jar fisting an Ewok.

Now that that is clear, this phone looks like the devil. And it is totally horny. For some extra creepy reason, it has a soundboard inside that makes it cry like a baby. Only $250.