This Gross Eyeball Pen is nasty. The problem is that it sees everything you write. You won’t have any secrets when you use this pen. You write something it doesn’t like, then it’s gonna eyeball you. It seems to have some festering blisters on it too. Yeah you ugly eyeball pen. I bet you show it a mirror and it wrecks its ugly self. I’m gonna make a special single sunglass for this thing. It will never look cool, but this will help.
Tag: nasty
iPhone Umbilical Cord Helps You Stay Connected
So this exists. An iPhone Umbilical Cord. It helps you stay connected. Get it? Yeah, it’s pretty gross. Great, now I have to play Pokemon Go for two. This thing is like a leech. It would probably suck up all my calcium and minerals, and give it to my iPhone baby. Check out the video to see how creepy and gross this thing really is. It looks like a snake trying to swallow an iPhone. It also looks like an iPhone trying to use a fleshlight. Not sure which. You see what Apple wants for all of us?
Read more “iPhone Umbilical Cord Helps You Stay Connected”
Varnished Cotton Briefs: Mom’s E.R. Nightmare
When I first saw these Varnished Cotton Briefs, I thought someone had been going through my drawers. Hey, don’t judge. I had an accident at the chocolate factory. The factory was my butt. All of the employees are now laid off. I couldn’t afford all of them working overtime and getting triple pay on taco night. By them I mean the magic gremlins that live in my colon.
This decorative pair of underwear is the crustiest, the most vile, the dirtiest pair of nad covers I have ever seen. Them is some crusty crack coveralls. Seriously, it has real crust. And not the good stuffed crust kind. What is that stuff? This nasty specimen is based on that old gem that mom’s always throw at you before you leave the house. “You better put on clean underwear in case you get into an accident.” Good advice, cuz if you show up at the E.R. wearing these, the CDC is getting involved and whole towns will get shut down. I don’t blame them at all.
This sellers mom never bothered telling them to put on clean underwear. Apparently their mom just tells them to varnish it and put it on Etsy.
Monster Teeth Coasters
What the? Damn it grandma, you left your dentures out again. *Canned laughter* My boss is coming over for dinner and those are a dead giveaway that you are really a demon under that moo-moo. That and your demon breath. *More canned laughter* Try a tic-tac. I thought we talked about this.
Well, if you don’t move ’em, I’m using ’em as a nasty monster teeth coaster. At least then they’ll think I just ordered ’em off of Etsy. God those dentures are nasty! Do you even brush those? Oh no! Did you glue that on the table? *Ding-dong!* *Looks at camera shocked as it zooms in.*
This has been another episode of My Favorite Grand-Demon. Only on NBC.
Read more “Monster Teeth Coasters”
Giant 6 Foot Cockroach Swimming Pool Float
This Giant 6 Foot Cockroach Swimming Pool Float reminds me of when I used to live in that place with the huge cockroaches and the backyard pool. I would turn the lights out, let them creep out in the dark and stomp all over these nasty buggers, then go to bed. In the morning I’d go out back to see the mice using their dead bodies for surf boards in the pool.
Okay fine. That place was this place. In the winter it’s the same deal, except they use the dead insect bodies as sleighs. *Doing my best Scarface voice* “F**king Cock-a-roach!”
