Troll-Topped Monster Storage Box

Monster Storage Boxes
This Troll-Topped Monster Storage Box is pretty awesome. In D and D, when you find a special box like this in the dungeon, you know it contains a magical item or two. Maybe even some magical fruit that doesn’t make you toot. My campaigns usually go something like this:

My DM: You see a large chest with a troll head on it. What do you do?

Me: I look from the chest to the woman’s face and ask her where she got such a lovely troll tattoo.

DM: Seriously?

Me: Yeah. It’s quality work.

DM: Do something else.

Me: I wet my thumb and rub the chest, seeing if the troll comes off.

DM: Roll a Dex check. You fail automatically. The chest eats you.

Me: So I’m inside the chest? Can I motorboat?

DM: We’re done here.
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Dragon Dice

dragon dice
Dragon Dice! The game of dragons and dice! New from Spaz-bro! These dragon dice are just what a nerd like me needs to up my D and D cred with my dungeon-mates. I kind of opened a door without checking for traps. Then ran in and found myself in the center of like 50 sleeping Orcs in their barracks. Who all woke up because I yelled, “What’s up biatches!” So much for stealth.

As punishment they fireballed and lightninged the whole room, with me in it. They haven’t let me play since, even though I brought cookies last time. These dragon dice should make up for it. Then I’ll be back to getting people killed in no time.
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Unleash The Kraken…Dice Bag

kraken dice bagWhat’s Kraken peeps? Nuffin much, just playing some D and D with my sweet-ass Kraken dice bag by my side. He’s been unleashed you see. And it wasn’t easy getting a leash on him in the first place so I’m not about to put him away now. Besides, I just rolled a sweet crit against an Undead Goblin Mage and the rescued halfling Princess is about to show her gratitude, if you know what I mean. *wink, wink* It’s gonna be soooo sweet. The two of us are running away together.

Because I’m the hero D and D deserves, but not the one it needs right now… Plus, I’m really horny.