This Zombie Post Apocalyptic Journal will help you keep track of how fast the infection is spreading throughout the population. It is hand-cast using real crushed stone bonded with high quality designer resin. Ohhhhh. Fancy. It has 95 non-ruled, spiral-bound pages, which should be enough room for you to keep a decent survival journal, so that one day when the zombies eat you, some other normal human can find it and pass it on and on, until 5000 years from now they are worshipping you as a God and this is their bible. How sweet is that?
Tag: undead
Undead Skeleton Cat Plush – Meowzers!
What’s a good name for an Undead Skeleton Cat Plush? I have no idea. I’m gonna call mine Mr. Bones. I’ll hug him and squeeze him and cuddle all night, then when I fall asleep he will eat my face and turn me into an undead zombie too. Then we’ll start a detective agency called Meow and Pal(Consultants to the living) and solve all kinds of cases, like X-Files stuff. I’ll be the one who always gets the girl, the cat will be the one always eating rotten fish brains. At the end of every episode we’ll high five and freeze as the end credits music starts.
Zombie Brains Pendant
Brains! I need brains! Where are brains? Ohhhh look, a Zombie Brains Pendant. That brain looks abby-normal. Probably because of the zombie virus eating away at it, making this brain crave other brains. But isn’t that what the education system is all about? That was just a little joke about our education system. You know what’s not a joke? Fashion and style. This pendant has both. You can practically see that brain bubbling with zombie juices. Mmmmmm zombie juices. Can I get that in a juice box or sippy cup please? To go? Thanks. Can you write my name on the cup like that fancy zombie filled coffee chain, so I feel like a special little zombie snowflake? Awesome. You have yourself a good day too. *Drops a nickel and a lint ball in the tip jar*
This pendant really satisfies my craving for brains. When you wear it, make sure you say, “Hey buddy, my brains are up here.” Cuz that would be funny.
Zombie iPhone 7 Case – The Texting Dead
This Zombie iPhone 7 Case is compatible with iPhone 5/5s, 6/6s, 7/7s. Looks like it could use some toothpaste. A little flossing wouldn’t hurt either. Damn son, you got some nasty choppers. I hope it doesn’t bite my finger when I answer my phone. I just feel like I want to do some reconstructive surgery on him, like one of those forensic guys. See what he looked like before he was turned into a rotting walking corpse.
Oh nevermind. I should have recognized Joan Rivers right away. Hey Joan. What up? Thanks for protecting my iPhone with your head.
Zombie Octopus Necklace
This Zombie Octopus Necklace is pretty cute, but how in the hell did he become a zombie? What? Zombies ran out of humans to bite and just started swimming, turning the sea life into zombies? His past is questionable is all I’m saying. Sort of like my own. Never ask me about the summer of 94 and that trip to Jersey with a tranny tied up in the back of the truck.
Hey, I said never ask me about it!
Fine, I was working for Pep Boys and delivering a transmission to Jersey and it took me like 2 days to get there. Sheesh. What’s with the third degree? I had to tie the transmission down in back cuz it had already fell off once and killed a deer. Almost killed the Jersey Devil too.
Oh…you thought I meant tranny. That’ll teach you to assume. Every time you assume you make an “ass” out of “u” and “me”. Heard that one in grade school.