Author: Artemis Winterford

Strange Creature Found in Brazil

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Strange Creature Found in Brazil
I’ll be honest, I have no idea what the hell is going on here, but it looks like some natives in Brazil have found a strange creature. A mutated version of the Trix rabbit. It’s like the Trix rabbit had sex with a human and this is their deformed love child. Silly rabbit! Trix are for kids! But mutations are for everyone. Yeah!

I love how the camera jumps around at the end so you can’t see anything. If you can get to Brazil, buy a camera, and you know how to hold a camera, I think you can hold the camera steady when filming. You just know this guys home videos all look like Battlestar Galactica filmed with the steady hands of Michael J. Fox.
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The Mighty Kraken Toilet Paper Holder

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Kraken Toilet Paper Holder
Wipe your Kraken with some help from this Kraken Toilet Paper Holder. I’m not saying he’s gonna use each of his eight tentacles to get your butt as clean as it’s ever been, though that would be refreshing, but I am saying that he’s gonna always be there to offer you some fresh TP when you need it most.And if he ever fails you, it’s your fault cuz you forgot to replace the toilet paper.

Tovolo Zombies Popsicle Molds

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Tovolo Zombies Popsicle Molds
Make the walking dead the freezing dead with these Tovolo Zombies Popsicle Molds. Look, zombies want to eat you, so I say we eat them first. Stick a zombie in your mouth and suck! Heh. That’s my new insult. If someone says something I don’t like, I’m yelling, “Stick a zombie in your mouth and suck!” I’m hoping it really takes off and becomes something New Yorkers yell at each other every day.

Seriously though, these Popsicle molds are awesome. I’m gonna go make some delicious zombie treats now. Don’t let the door hit you… You shut up! You shut it right now! Stick a zombie in your mouth and suck!

Gold Day of the Dead Sugar Skull Necklace

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Day of the Dead Sugar Skull Necklace
This is one shiny Day of the Dead Sugar Skull Necklace. Bling bling motha truckas! I’m offended cuz I’m a mother who is also a trucker! Oh well ya can’t please everyone. There are more offended people these days then you can shake a dead cat at. I’m calling PETA! Please do, I love their bread. You bastard! Is that a comment about my yeast infection? You woman hating freak. And also, you’re racist. Everybody just calm down. I just wanted to show you this sweet necklace. Damn. Everyone just needs to calm the eff down.

T-Rex Skull Desk Organizer Rooooaaaarrrrrr!

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T-Rex Skull Desk Organizer
Where’d they dig up this fossil? The T-Rex Skull Desk Organizer is a mighty skull from a mighty beast and it makes a mighty desk accessory. It will hold your pens and pencils and other desk stuff,plus you can put your hand in there and pretend that it bit you and won’t let go. It comes in several colors. I’m gonna put a stuffed animal in its jaws and pretend it just made a kill, but that’s just me. Rooooooaaaaaaarrrrrrrr!