Krampus never sleeps. And neither does this scary Krampus Night Light. Krampus will be with you throughout the night. But is he protecting you or waiting for you to fall asleep so he can reward you for being naughty this year? I have no idea, but I want to put an everlasting gobstopper in that mouth, because the tongue really freaks me out.
Author: Artemis Winterford
The Ultimate Krampus Mug
I can’t wait to get this Krampus Mug and chug my beer from it, slamming it down and asking for another. This mug is worthy of Krampus himself.
One Christmas Krampus drank himself sober.
He awoke to find Christmas was over.
His sack was empty and filled with no child
He had vague recollections of drinking so wild.
So he sauntered away into a cave
where he rested all day, then went to a rave.
Then he waited all year
And had several more beers
And repeated the whole thing over.
That’s why we don’t see Krampus today. He has a drinking problem.
Mirrored Skeleton Candle Holder
There’s nothing better than seeing your own reflection framed by a pair of skeletons just hanging around as if they’re admiring your beauty. And why wouldn’t they? That is one beautiful man-face if I do say so myself. I just realized that this Mirrored Skeleton Candle Holder would have the candle obscuring my face, but that’s okay, I’m secure enough in my good looks that no one can hold a candle to me. I don’t mean to wax on about it. Let me just light that candle and have one more look. Gotta lean in close and get a good gander. AHHHHH. IT BURNS! IT BURNS! And now you have heard the story of how I came to have a profession where I don’t need to show my face. Cuz now I have a face that’s only good for blogging and radio. Let this be a cautionary tale about unrestrained vanity and a man who peered too close to the sun for one last glimpse of perfection. JK I look effin beautiful. I make my livin’ off this face. I let blind people feel it so they can orgasm. True story.
Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees Lawn Gnomes
These Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees Lawn Gnomes will make your garden a nightmare on elf street. Yeah, I know an elf is different than a gnome. You try to come up with clever word play after downing a pint of Nyquil! No, I don’t have a cold. Was just a night cap. Anyway, these horror icons want to hang out in your garden looking scary and gnomy. Hey, there;s nothing wrong with gnomes. Some of Hollywood’s best actors and actresses are gnomes. Like Gnomy Watts for instance. Great actress.
Rest In Peace Under This Queen Size Skull Crochet Blanket
This Queen Size Skull Crochet Blanket has more skulls than you can shake a guillotine at. Does that even make sense? I have no idea. I need a nap. This looks like a good blanket to take a nap in, just as long as it’s not your final resting place. Skulls everywhere. In many colors. It ticks off three boxes of the things I like best. Comfy. Cozy. Creepy.