Author: Artemis Winterford

Zombie Brains Pendant

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Zombie Brains PendantBrains! I need brains! Where are brains? Ohhhh look, a Zombie Brains Pendant. That brain looks abby-normal. Probably because of the zombie virus eating away at it, making this brain crave other brains. But isn’t that what the education system is all about? That was just a little joke about our education system. You know what’s not a joke? Fashion and style. This pendant has both. You can practically see that brain bubbling with zombie juices. Mmmmmm zombie juices. Can I get that in a juice box or sippy cup please? To go? Thanks. Can you write my name on the cup like that fancy zombie filled coffee chain, so I feel like a special little zombie snowflake? Awesome. You have yourself a good day too. *Drops a nickel and a lint ball in the tip jar*

This pendant really satisfies my craving for brains. When you wear it, make sure you say, “Hey buddy, my brains are up here.” Cuz that would be funny.

Michael Myers And Jason Embroidered Dish Towels

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Michael Myers And Jason Embroidered Dish Towels
Scare up some fun in your kitchen with these Michael Myers And Jason Embroidered Dish Towels. One has a knife, the other has a machete, but both will dry your dishes nicely. Or your hands. They are 100% cotton and 100% cool. This shop also has Hellraiser and Freddy. They are a great way to creep up your kitchen. You know how I creep up my kitchen? By never cleaning so I have a million cobwebs everywhere. Occasionally I’ll rip one from the corner and use it as creepy cling wrap. True story.
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Krampus Christmas Gift Tags

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Krampus Christmas Gift Tags
Dad, look at all of the gifts I got from Krampus. No, son those are from- Here’s another one! No, see- They’re all from Krampus, dad! Those are just Krampus Christmas gift tags, see- Krampus is the best, Dad! You’re not very bright are you son? Krampus rocks! Oh for f**ks sake!

These gift tags add a little Krampus to your Christmas, cuz you can’t have Christmas without Krampus. That would be like having a gramma without a grampus. What does that even mean? I have no idea. But I would love to get some gifts with these tags on them. Happy Krampus day everyone!

Anatomical Heart Nightlight

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Anatomical Heart Nightlight
Have a heart. On your wall. This Anatomical Heart Nightlight will fill your room with the light of a beating heart. I don’t know. I would have a heart time sleeping with this in my room. Think about this: If you are on house arrest and you have this nightlight in your home, are you also on cardiac arrest? Let that sink in while your room is bathed in the red blood glow.

I think I would have to buy 2 so I could put them on opposite walls and let them have a heart to heart.

Leather Skull Wallet For Your Cash And Credit Cartilage

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Leather Skull Wallet For Your Cash And Credit Cartilage
This Leather Skull Wallet is perfect for that 3 bucks, stick of chewing gum and commemorative condom from 1985, that I always carry with me. Scratch that. Finally used the condom last week. Yay me. Some lucky kid is about to have a dad with 3 bucks! You really scored kid. Congratulations. That’s a reincarnation fail right there. If you believe in that sort of thing. Well, there goes my life savings. Now I can’t even get this sweet wallet. If I died right now and came back as my just being conceived kid, I could get my 3 bucks back. Sweet idea! I’m gonna go do some daredevil stuff. Just to be clear, I’m not dressing in a red suit and guarding Hell’s Kitchen. I’m just doing stupid dangerous stuff.