Keep your head dry with a head of lettuce. Like cardboard, lettuce has practically no nutritional value. But it can You protect your head in the form of this lettuce umbrella. If you are dry you will Romaine calm. Even if it’s raining an iceberg on your head. Lettuce jokes are fun.
Lettuce rejoice at the Vegetabrella. It makes the rain leaf you alone. Walk down the street and twirl with this umbrella and you will be a real salad spinner. Ok, I’m done.
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It’s a nice day for a…White Wedding. This Halloween, go trick or treating as 
These undies are real period pieces, featuring historic figures that will cover your crotch or butt. That’s cool. I guess they are technically underwear as opposed to panties, but it all just covers your junk. Cover your bird in Shakespeare and maybe it will write a sonnet for you. Put Queen Elizabeth I on your cheeks. Cause you know, you are cheeky like that.
If you can’t beat them, join them. In other words, we all know you are going to be bitten by a shark if you swim in the ocean, so you may as well wear a bikini with a shark bite taken out of it already. Makes sense. Maybe the sharks will leave you alone. No one likes leftovers.