This Shark Bite Choker looks pretty badass, but all I can think about is some woman kissing a guy while the shark bites a hole in his neck. Now that’s an authentic choker. It not only chokes, but it also takes a mini shark-sized hole out of you. No thanks. If you wanna kiss me, you best remove jaws there.
Tag: shark
Alien Xenomorph Looking Sharks Caught Near Taiwan – Get Away From Her, You Fish!
The world continues to get crazier and more nightmarish every day and not just because I just dropped two ice cubes in a whiskey glass only find out I’m out of Nyquil. Well, mainly because of that, but also because of these Alien Xenomorph Looking Sharks that were recently snagged by researchers near Taiwan. Yes, they look like Alien Xenomorphs. Yes, I’m not sleeping anytime soon. Are those snake teeth on a shark? Yes they are. They can move their jaw beyond their mouth. *Sigh. Shakes Nyquil over the ice one more time. Nothing comes out… Again. Looks out the window.* Oh, now I see the problem. BRB.
*Returns with new bottle. Pours it. Drinks. Ahhhhhhh.* Silly me, trying to drink Nyquil when it’s day outside. Luckily I have a fresh batch of Dayquil. That hit the spot. Don’t try this at home. I’m what you call a professional.
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Shark Cake and Cupcake Toppers
Sweet! I wish someone had made me some Shark Cake and Cupcake Toppers like this when I was a kid. Since I am having a second childhood that began at 13 and is never-ending, I’m gonna get some for myself. Look at that friggin thing just bursting out of the cake! Bam! Shark’s here! Whatchu gonna do bout it? I’m gonna eat ya with a special 4-harpoon fork I designed myself, that’s what!
*Attaches harpoon fork to string. Loads it up in my air-gun. Pulls trigger. Harpoon impales that shark body DEEP!* Yeah son! That’s how it is!
*Reels him in and the shark falls off the cake, tumbling across the floor on it’s way to me. Picks it up and holds it to my mouth. Looks at the mountain of cat hair and dirt all over it.* Oh, hell no!
*Drops shark to the floor and cries like a two year old*
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Weird Art Prints- Faux Taxidermy Cameos
These Weird Art Prints- Faux Taxidermy Cameos from LuxCups are fun and freaky. I would totally wear them, but I can’t, because they’re prints. You have your shark in a suit (Must be a lawyer), a nun with a dinosaur head, Godzilla as a priest and more. I wish I could get these guys as action figures.
I’m weird like that, but that’s why you and I get along. I bring you the weird and freaky stuff, you bring me warm fuzzy feelings. Nevermind. Didn’t realize I was rubbing the fuzzy dice hanging from my computer. OUCH! Never mind. It was a pair of bees! Damn my bad eyesight and your furry hides!
Anyway, the point is we’re all good, you and me, but if it’s a parasite host relationship kind of deal, I’m pretty sure I’m the parasite. Just sayin’. No need to flush me out of your bowels or anything though. I’m the good kind. Of course, that’s just what a parasite would say, isn’t it? I guess you’re just gonna have to trust me. We got a mutually beneficial thing going on here.
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JAWS Shoes: We’re Gonna Need A Bigger Shoe Box
It’s time to slip your feet into some sharks. These JAWS shoes will be available this summer. My feet are fearful. My tootsies are terrified. My ten little piggies are bloody chum in the water! June 20th, 2016 is the 41st anniversary of the movie JAWS, so Sperry shoes are releasing a line of JAWS themed footwear. They will be available for order online as early as next month starting May 5th. They will be in retail stores soon after on June 9th.
The shoes are wrapped in blood-soaked tissue paper. Apparently, with each shoe purchase, you will get some postcards in the packaging. You can check out several of the designs here. Pretty cool. Great for sharkin’ around. One minor gripe. They really should have some fins so I can feel like I really have tiny sharks on my feet. That way, I can sing the shark theme while I walk and creep up on people like sharks do. And since my shoes can’t bite, I’m just gonna have to kick them really hard. Not my fault. It was the shark shoes. Not safe to go in the water? It is now not safe to go on the sidewalk. Blame my twin shark feet, both named Bruce.