Category: Just Plain Weird

Pocket Pets: Roach On The Go

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Pocket Pets Roach On The Go
Oh yeah, this is a great idea. Give your kid a pet roach that he can hang out with. That’s not weird at all. There’s no way your kid is gonna be an outcast as he walks around with his little pet roach, talking to it in hushed whispers. Then again, my parents gave me a whole house full of roaches and I turned out alright.

Except for my fear of roaches and my waking from a dead sleep so I can slam a shoe against the floor like a madman. There’s also the constant itching, but hey I need to exfoliate anyway right? It’s all good. Anyway, get your kid a little pet roach, cuz, you know, your kid isn’t weird enough. Pocket Pets. Cuz your kid doesn’t need friends.
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Kanye West – Reanimator

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Kanye West - Reanimator
What happens when H.P. Lovecraft meets Kanye West? I have no idea, but the lack of talent known as Kanye West is now starring in a classic H.P. Lovecraft tale. Just how do you transplant the personality of a wet fart into classic literature? I have no idea since I’m not going to read it and find out. I just wanted all of you to know that this exists.

Severed Finger Candles

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Severed Finger Candles
These Severed Finger Candles will be perfect for any birthday cake that you want to give the finger to. Give it several fingers cuz you don’t give a f**k. I stared at this image of candles for like an hour already cuz someone flipped me off today behind a fence and I was trying to pick it out of a lineup. There! I finger that one.

If you will excuse me, I have to go now. I have a date with some finger food just as soon as I buy it with my five finger discount. Hopefully they won’t finger me in a police lineup. That sounded dirty. I apologize. Police only do that in dirty movies. Anyway, I give these candles 2 middle fingers up. It’s the highest honor I can bestow on them.

Alien Head Metal Wall Art

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Alien Head Metal Wall Art
Stare into this Alien Head Metal Wall Art and the alien will stare into your soul. Seems pretty cool right? It is. Until you realize that it’s a portal to an alien UFO. *Cue Twilight Zone music.* A doorway, through time and space, to a… butt probing zone.

This is how they get you. You buy weird stuff that they planted as bait. You take it home. And they have their next rectum, I mean victim. You just bought yourself a doorway to an intergalactic proctology office. Have fun with that. This is why I don’t decorate with aliens, unless they come in the middle of the night and my shotgun decorates the wall with their glowing blood.

Donald Trump Weathervane

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Donald Trump Weathervane
Which way is the wind blowing? I don’t know, why don’t you see which way Trump’s toupee is blowing? This $15,000.00 Donald Trump Weathervane will be fun to watch spin around. North, south, east or west. You’re all fired! Now excuse me while I spin my fat face in another direction! Let’s make America fat in the face again!

This thing will make your head spin too.
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