Tag: craft fail

Large Black Velvet Cat Cleaning Itself Plush Sculpture

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cat cleaning itself plushI should get this weird cat cleaning itself plush sculpture to show my cat how messed up she looks when she is doing kitty yoga and licking herself all over like she’s a friggin’ ice cream cone. It’s just rude. You don’t see me lifting my leg up and licking my flabby nerd body in front of company. No. I wait until I’m alone to do that stuff because I know it’s f***ing weird.

This thing is 16 inches tall and looking pretty creepy with no damn eyes at all. No way I would let this in my house. This cat’s ready to give himself more licks than the Tootsie Pop owl and will probably finish off with a great big bite too.

Click through for more pics, including one where this cat is doing his thing outside for the neighbors to see. No damn shame!
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It Takes A Braveheart To Play With This Mel Gibson Doll

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mel gibson dollSomething tells me that this Mel Gibson doll is not officially endorsed by the star. Whoever made this guy is a true Lethal Weapon of a crafter. To paraphrase Mel from the epic movie Braveheart, “They can take our likeness, but they can never take our freedom!”

Duct Tape Teddy Bear: Build-A-Bear…On A Budget

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duct tape teddy bearAwww. It’s a duct tape teddy bear. I’m gonna call him the Gimp and use him as a stress reliever. What’s that? This late fee is going to cost me like $40 bucks extra??? BRING OUT THE GIMP! AND GET MY BAT! Another f***ing telemarketer called? THE GIMP! AT ONCE! I really don’t understand these taxes. You mean the more I make, the more I owe? GIMP! TO ME! NOW!

I hope he’s built solid cause I have a lot of issues. My therapist will be pleased that I’m not taking it out on his furniture every time he sighs and calls a bathroom break.

“Why are you so out of breath and why is my couch all torn apart and full of holes?”

“The same reason your bathroom smells like Mary Jane. Stress relief. You needed a break from me and I needed to justify paying $400 a session when I could just-”

“Let’s talk about your mother. I-”

“YOU ARE LOOKING A LOT LIKE THE GIMP DOCTOR! TIME FOR YOUR SESSION!”
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Gangsta Rap Coloring Book

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Gangsta Rap Coloring BookBreak out the crayons, not the Glock! This Gangsta Rap Coloring Book is 48 pages of line drawings featuring “Gangsta” rappers, that you can color. Or as one reviewer says:

I purchased this as a means to reminisce, because I used to roll deep with a crew full of G’s. I got out because my baby mama was givin’ me grief. She was worried about me not being there one day, she wanted me to bring it proper, walk the straight and narrow. Anyway, this is the heat. Any book that lets you experiment with Biggy and Nas’s wardrobe in different shades of blue is aight in my book. I bought it for every kid in my sunday school class. I found out a few weeks later that they hit the corner in their low low and beat their first trick. I heard they’re in the market for firearms without serial numbers now. I’m so proud of all of them. It’s good knowing I’ve helped another generation learn how to skate on haters who perpetrate.

Condom Porcelain Doll Sculpture: That Rascal Is Wrapped

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condom statueI don’t even know what to say about this condom wrapped Durex mummy. Yeah I do. It looks like a Trojan factory worker took someone hostage and just used what they had handy to tie him up. Let’s see what the seller says. The seller’s words are in italics. My responses are bold.

“Trappings I” is a piece that demands inquiry.

Yeah, like why the f did you do it? Also, any other hobbies we should know about? Last inquiry: Do your hands smell like lube?

It arrests the attention of anyone looking at it.

Yeah, my attention is all handcuffed and beat with a baton. Can’t even make out your badge number through my black eye. Still swear I smell lube. Is that thing gonna stink worse or less as it sits on the mantel?

Not only due to the stark contrast of the actual materials used, but once one begins to question why they were used, a real debate can open up. This piece speaks to social issues that are raging even now. The interpretation is of course up to the viewer, but there were real issues I wanted to bring up with this piece.

We already know why you used the materials you used. It’s better they don’t go to waste. At least they were used for something. The only debate is whether you have any left over for future projects. Depends what kind of a deal you got on an economy pack. As far as issues the artist wanted to bring to this piece, oh yeah, you brought ’em! This piece is full of issues.
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