Alien encounters can be awkward and not just because they stick stuff in ya without buying you dinner first. Because you can’t understand a damn word they’re saying. This E.T. Extraterrestrial Communication Knowledge Transfer Device will help. So the next time they come to abduct you in the night, you’ll be able to understand their language.
That’s when you find out that they think humans are just a game of operation. The Goofy Game for Goofy Doctors. I know when I bought one of these, I heard “Alien Gary” bitching to “Alien Mike” about how his wife doesn’t understand him because his quasar zoomboffulator was overpriced and out of warranty and it makes a real miff-zi-stache of his home life. “Alien Mike” owns a Zeff farm full of grazing Zergnars and recently got caught “nerfing the herd”, which is why he got stuck on this sh***y work detail.
I was all like, “Guys, I know I’m gonna forget about all of this later, but please, concentrate on the task at hand! Damn that hurts. Pay attention. Am I impregnated yet or what? Gary, you gotta man up and face the wife! Mike… Mike, you’re just sick. Seriously. Get away from me. Gary, let’s hurry this up. I have an early morning tomorrow.
So anyway, this thing really works. Check out the video below.
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For $269.99 you can have your own 
Hallelujah and praise Steven Spielberg! What 
E.T. The Extra Terrestrial. My how this little guy charmed audiences back in the day. Eating Reese’s Pieces. Hiding among stuffed animals. Riding a bike in front of the moon. Back then we felt like he was our special buddy. He could make our dreams come true and cuddle with us at night. Wait. What the hell is he doing? Waxing his candle? No! Bad E.T.