Are you as confused as I am? This Rat Crucifix Held Together By Octopus Tentacles With Machine Guns is pretty rat-icle. Is it about rats against violence? Octopi against rats doing violence? Rats against Octopus enslavement? I just don’t get what you’re trying to say. As a crucifix I’m pretty sure it would ward off something, I just have no idea what.
All I can say is, stay off the drugs kids. And if you don’t, make art I guess.
Dad, look at all of the gifts I got from Krampus. No, son those are from- Here’s another one! No, see- They’re all from Krampus, dad! Those are just Krampus Christmas gift tags, see- Krampus is the best, Dad! You’re not very bright are you son? Krampus rocks! Oh for f**ks sake!
These gift tags add a little Krampus to your Christmas, cuz you can’t have Christmas without Krampus. That would be like having a gramma without a grampus. What does that even mean? I have no idea. But I would love to get some gifts with these tags on them. Happy Krampus day everyone!
Have a heart. On your wall. This Anatomical Heart Nightlight will fill your room with the light of a beating heart. I don’t know. I would have a heart time sleeping with this in my room. Think about this: If you are on house arrest and you have this nightlight in your home, are you also on cardiac arrest? Let that sink in while your room is bathed in the red blood glow.
I think I would have to buy 2 so I could put them on opposite walls and let them have a heart to heart.
This Leather Skull Wallet is perfect for that 3 bucks, stick of chewing gum and commemorative condom from 1985, that I always carry with me. Scratch that. Finally used the condom last week. Yay me. Some lucky kid is about to have a dad with 3 bucks! You really scored kid. Congratulations. That’s a reincarnation fail right there. If you believe in that sort of thing. Well, there goes my life savings. Now I can’t even get this sweet wallet. If I died right now and came back as my just being conceived kid, I could get my 3 bucks back. Sweet idea! I’m gonna go do some daredevil stuff. Just to be clear, I’m not dressing in a red suit and guarding Hell’s Kitchen. I’m just doing stupid dangerous stuff.
You giving me the evil eye? Okay, cool. As long as it’s not the stink eye. Or the pink eye. These Evil Eye Necklaces from Etsy seller SharaJewels are a great accessory. I’m calling this one Iris. So how do you make this kind of eye jewelry? Well, you have to learn and be a good pupil. You have to sit in school and learn and not say anything corny…a. You gotta have 20/20 focus, or if ya don’t you can always hit up lenscrafters, where they laugh at you and fit you with a pair of old timey nerd-glasses, but that may have just been a special treat just for me.
Anyway, I really just want this one to stop looking at me, cuz it’s kinda flirty and kinda dirty. Which makes me feel self conscious. So stop it.