Tag: etsy

STD Plush Sculptures

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STD Plush Sculptures
Well, I’ve gotten to know these guys so well, it’s nice to be able to put a face with the names. Hello Syphilis. Hello Herp! I wish I could say it’s been awhile, but it’s only been like 2 weeks. You’re taller in person when you’re not making me itch and burn.

*Grabs giant tube of cream and squirts it all over them before shoving them both in a chest and slamming the lid down hard.* NOW I have you both under control! And my doctor said it was impossible! I’m taking these guys to my new girlfriend. I was going to give them to her anyway.
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Alien Fetus Fossils

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Alien Fetus Fossils
I hate aliens. Always using our planet for their human experimentation. I don’t know what’s worse, that or the fact that their medical ships use the Earth as a place to chuck their alien fetuses. I’m not pro or anti alien abortion, I just think it’s nasty when our scientists dig up these Alien Fetus Fossils.

Bunch of intergalactic litter bugs!

Ghost Choker

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Ghost Choker
When there’s something strange, around your neck, who ya gonna call? GHOST CHOKER! I ain’t fraid of no ghost! I’m totally lying. I WASN’T afraid, but now I’m scared of a chorus line of ghosts crushing my windpipe as they dance and kick their tails up.

Nah, I’m kidding. This choker is spook-tacular. Even supernatural. Ectoplastic! I’m not just saying that because my neck is on the line.

Octopus Chandelier

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Octopus Chandelier
Octopus is a pretty popular decor choice this season. Despite the fact that this Octopus Chandelier looks like it is pooping a glowing orb that will gently fall through the air and land on your dining room table, exploding in a fiery mushroom. That probably won’t happen, but you never know. I farted too close to an electrical outlet once while preparing a chicken dinner and had the pants burned off of me in a flash.

You try explaining how standing buck naked inside a circle of ash that used to be your jeans and holding a chicken, is not in fact some dark ritual. All you can really do is step out of the circle and continue preparing the meal. As dignified as possible.
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Gothic Bat Ring

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Gothic Bat Ring
I’m Batman! No, really. Why won’t anyone believe me? I have the kick-ass Bat ring and everything. Geesh guys. Next time save yourselves. I knew I needed an entire costume, but I was trying to be different. Also cheap. Do you know how much capes cost these days? Just get a ring, I said. It will be a new superhero phenomenon I said. Nope. Not so much.

Well, my super career may be over, but at least I have this sweet bat ring. It’s super cool and batty in my belfry! HAHAHAHAAHHAH Oh man. I think I may be the joker!
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