This Ancient Vampire Fossil goes back to the days when vampires had nothing to bite but dinosaurs. That’s how they went extinct. Duh! It wasn’t a meteor. You can see his or her vampire bat wings, the bones, even a tail. All fossilized and ready to display in your home. Some vampire probably fell in a tar pit while trying to bite the neck of a brontosaurus. Brontosaurus moved it’s neck and Vampy fell down. All so you could decorate millions of years later. My math may be off a little.
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Tag: fossil
Life Size Dinosaur Skeleton
Get yourself a Life Size Dinosaur Skeleton. Without having to dig it up from your back yard. Or like I did, tunneling under my own house so I can check my neighbor’s yard for fossils. To bad about the sink hole that lowered their roof to ground level. That was just coincidence. I only removed like 3 Wooly Mammoth skulls and a full T-Rex.
On the bright side, now I can do motorcycle jumps from my yard onto their roof, wearing an Evel Knievel jumpsuit and a dinosaur skull for a helmet. Well, not anymore since my cycle is now lodged half in their living room and half in their basement.
Dinosaur Fossil Coasters
People often say to me, “Shut up you old fossil” or “Who dug up that old fossil?” By people, I mean kids. I usually just shake my fist and mutter. Like it’s my fault that male pattern baldness and lady hips magically appeared on my 18th birthday. I’m from the GMO generation. My endocrines disrupted like it was a party up in here and it’s ladies night! Oh what a night! 30 is the new “Holy f**k it’s coffin buying time.” I got the cheapest option with the brass handles BTW. Just in case you want to know.
Anyway, these dinosaur fossil coasters are friggin’ awesome. No bones about it. If I wasn’t already using fast food napkins, I’d be on these in a heartbeat. These is classy. Enjoy them before you’re 30.
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Dinosaur Ties
These Dinosaur Ties are for the sharp dressed man that leaves the office early to go play with plastic dinosaurs. That’s actually how I lost my first job. Which was fine because it led to my second job as an office therapist sorting out stuff like sexual harassment accusations and the like. I got to play with my toys all day.
“Now show me on the dinosaur where the bad man touched you. There? Okay. Do the roar. We roar to heal. Now our dinosaurs fight.” That job didn’t last long either.
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Alien Fetus Fossils
I hate aliens. Always using our planet for their human experimentation. I don’t know what’s worse, that or the fact that their medical ships use the Earth as a place to chuck their alien fetuses. I’m not pro or anti alien abortion, I just think it’s nasty when our scientists dig up these Alien Fetus Fossils.
Bunch of intergalactic litter bugs!