This Coin Cavity Purse will try to bite you every time you put change in or take change out. Plus obsessive compulsives will have to brush and floss these pearly whites every time they open it. That’s a nice set of chompers. You know how you hate that old lady who is always holding up the checkout line cuz she’s paying in change? Now you can be that person, except others won’t be pissed off at you, they’ll be scared. Of you and for you. And I don’t blame them.
Tag: etsy
These Spider Socks Are Making Me Itchy
Spider Socks. Directed by Quentin Tarantula-Tarantino. A horror double feature for your feet, without all of the gratuitous violence of his other movies. Just looking at these socks is making me itchy. I keep looking at my feet. All clear so far. No land-crabs in sight. I gotta stop being so paranoid. But just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean that spiders aren’t out to get you. Get you and bite you. Rub their hairy creepy legs all over your skin… Yeah, I’m not sleeping tonight.
Got A Light? – Brains and Teeth Flip Lighters
Hey man, got a light? Thanks man I- WTF dude! What is that thing? These Brains and Teeth Flip Lighters are nasty and that’s how we like ’em. Give someone a light and a fright. Having a disgusting lighter is one way to quit smoking. Those are some nice pearly whites. Not! You can choose from one that has a brain and teeth and another that has just teeth in black and gold.
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Fork Used By The Donner Party
Pro tip: Always keep your ears clean and listen carefully. I once thought I was invited to a dinner party, but that wasn’t the deal. Ohhhhh. You said Donner party. What’s that? Oh really? Cool. I just remembered I have to to go now… Luckily I wasn’t the main course that night.
Anyway, if you want a special keepsake from the actual Donner party, you can buy this fork. It is said to be a fork used at the actual feast that night. Seems legit to me. Some guy snuck onto the actual site where the deed occurred and used a metal detector to find utensil. The glass should probably read, “Break in case of extreme hunger.”
Hand Carved Stone Alien Coasters
You know what these Hand Carved Stone Alien Coasters mean? It means that these aliens got stoned! What? Nothin’? Tough room. I’ll try to come up with a new slate of jokes. Anyway, these coasters are pretty cool. They’ll protect your surfaces from stains and spills, while reminding you to clench up those butt cheeks. Gotta get those muscles tight. Just in case, ya know? If they can’t get the probes in, the humans win. Simple as that. If it don’t fit, they must acquit and put ya back in bed.