Ohhhhhh. I’ll have some red rum please bartender. I’m parched. *Looks at these REDRUM Metal Bookends in the mirror and screams!* Murder! That says murder! I don’t want any of that. Red rum sounds much better. These bookends are murder on your books by the way. Murder most foul. Or is it fowl? I’m confused now. Was there a bird involved? I have no idea. I’ll just keep my beak out of it. In fact, I’ll just wet my beak and shut up.
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Oh damn. My fanny is in trouble now! Wear this Zombie Rabbit Fanny Pack and store your stuff inside, but don’t be surprised if it bites you in some sensitive areas. This crazed little nad and butt biter does not give one f**k. You can just tell. I think it’s the crazed eyes and the exposed teeth. Call it a hunch. This is one rabid rabbit. A horrible hare. A rascally rodent. A crazy cottontail. Thugs Bunny.
Yeah, I think I’ll just put stuff in my pockets. I don’t know who framed Roger Rabbit, but I’m pretty sure this guy killed him, then hid the body somewhere in Arizona and erased all evidence. He’s been going from hip to hip ever since, staying one step ahead of the law.
Read more “Zombie Rabbit Fanny Pack Is A Rabid Rucksack”
“Bats”. By me.
They hide in your belfries
where they like to take selfies.
They fly in your hair
and give you a scare.
They like to make guano.
and hate U2’s bono.
That was “Bats”. By me.
Check out these cool Metal Bats Bookends. It puts bats all up in your belfry. No guano. Unless your books are really bad.
This Shark Laundry Hamper has a lot to teach us about how we deal with sharks in the wild. You’ll notice that the idea is to throw your dirty and nasty clothes into the shark’s mouth. It’s fun, but also educational.
Pro tip: Humans perspire. We are dirty, stinky, nasty creatures that smell like a dog’s bunghole at the end of the day if we don’t bath and use soap and stuff. So don’t go in the water until you haven’t bathed for a good 2 weeks. When you do, go in fully clothed. And when attacked by a shark, throw your nasty human feces smelling second skins in the shark’s food-hole.
If Roy Scheider had done that in the first place it would have saved me a good 2 hours of terror!
The Photorito Lens Wrap is a neoprene burrito that protects your camera lens and keeps it in great shape. Also great for when you are going all James Bond and spying on people, while pretending to enjoy a nice fat burrito and read the paper. Oh, hey! Looks like the Cubs won today-
*Crunch*
Holy hell! Why? Why do I keep forgetting that there’s a camera lens in that burrito? Holy hell! The pain! *Quickly picking up teeth from the floor while holding my jaw and crying.* See this is why the British (Or any) government won’t hire me as a spy. Which is a damn shame cuz I could use some free dental.