Tag: floor

Peeker Zombie Head Floor Dweller

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Peeker Zombie Head Floor Dweller
Hey, it’s a peeker zombie. Peek-a-boo. I see you. And by the way, you are bloody disgusting. Good thing I can’t see the rest of you. What’s the deal with like, being half stuck in my floor? What are you, some kind of fetish freak carpet sniffer? Fine by me. Just tell me one thing. I’ve always wondered, do my feet smell like decade old cheese or dumpster Fritos in the summer? EHHH WRONG! That was a trick question. I have it on good authority that they smell like decade old dumpster Fritos topped with cheese.

Whatevs. Just keep doing your thing down there. We’ll see how long you last with your nose stuck in the Frito freeway that is my never washed carpet. Ain’t no off-ramp pal.
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Sit Your Full Moon On This Werewolf Rug

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

werewolf rugAaahoo! Werewolves of London! Don’t wait for a full moon to get a Werewolf rug like this one. I don’t know about you, but I am in no shape to be chasing a Werewolf down anyway. Plus, I’m fresh out of silver bullets. Why do you need a gun to fire a silver bullet at a Werewolf anyway?

Werewolves are all about the hunger. So all you have to do is dangle a chicken carcass in the woods and wait. I would put the silver bullet into the carcass or maybe inside of a bologna sandwich. Werewolves love them some sandwiches. Most hairy beasts do. Myself included. Once he tears into that food, he’s gonna bite the bullet and now you got yourself a new rug.

But does it change into a human rug and then back again during a full moon? Because you don’t want company over with a dead human laid out on the floor. Murder charges can’t be far behind.
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