You gotta love a mug that bites you everytime you take a sip of your morning Joe. In fact, if your name is Joe, you are IT’S morning Joe. I’ll take sugar, cream, and about a hundred razor sharp fangs. How is that for a little cup of horror to start your day right? This Lovecraftian Monster Mug With Fangs is the best part of waking up.
Tag: fangs
This Spider Fang Ring Looks Deadly
I use this Spider Fang Ring like brass knuckles. That bite. Don’t mess with me man, I have a spider bite that will incapacitate you. I’m talking some serious venom. The kind you have to fly to peru to get a antidote for. Okay, the fangs are just coated with windex and pledge cuz that’s how I clean the ring, but I bet it still gives you a nasty infection. Especially with one of these rings on each finger.
*Kisses my ring hands* You want some of this twin army of spider fangs in yo face son? I call this hand the Black Widow and I call this one the widower. The first is gonna put you in the hospital, the second is gonna hit you say hard your wife will feel it- Hey let go. What are you doing? Why are you gripping my spider fang hands so I can’t attack? No! No, of course I don’t like punching myself and no! No, I don’t know why I’m doing it. No, I can’t stop. *Crying* No, I won’t say it! *Sobs* Really, you’ll stop if I say it? Okay, okay! “Fangs for the memories!” *Falls to knees and cries myself to sleep in the fetal position*
Gold And Silver Vampire Rings
This jewelry has bite. How annoying would I be with these Gold And Silver Vampire Rings? Putting my hands against people’s necks and telling them, “I want to suck your blood!” before getting punched in the Nosferatu. It would be pretty cool to wear these vampire choppers.
I’ll give one to my special vampire girl and she’ll say, “Fangs a lot! You really stoke the fires of my heart.”
Is your heart named Bram? Cuz I’m a real Bram Stoker and you have all the right vampire lestats!
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Sit Your Full Moon On This Werewolf Rug
Aaahoo! Werewolves of London! Don’t wait for a full moon to get a Werewolf rug like this one. I don’t know about you, but I am in no shape to be chasing a Werewolf down anyway. Plus, I’m fresh out of silver bullets. Why do you need a gun to fire a silver bullet at a Werewolf anyway?
Werewolves are all about the hunger. So all you have to do is dangle a chicken carcass in the woods and wait. I would put the silver bullet into the carcass or maybe inside of a bologna sandwich. Werewolves love them some sandwiches. Most hairy beasts do. Myself included. Once he tears into that food, he’s gonna bite the bullet and now you got yourself a new rug.
But does it change into a human rug and then back again during a full moon? Because you don’t want company over with a dead human laid out on the floor. Murder charges can’t be far behind.
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Shriek Chic: Leather Monster Belt Bag
If you want a monster on your hip, you don’t have to give birth and tote a crying baby around, who is smacking and kicking at your ribs. Just buy this leather monster belt bag for $150. on Etsy. It is grievously gross and horrendously horrifying. Just a bunch of bloodshot eyes and a foaming slobbering mouth full of fangs.
Monsters get hungry, so keep all your stuff in there and keep it well fed, so that it doesn’t turn on you.
Click through for close ups of those eyes and that horribly detailed slobbering mouth. Or I could just show you a pic of me with a hangover. Really no difference.
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