Tag: fun

Icy Dead People Ice Cube Tray

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icy dead people
Icy Dead People. In my drink. It’s the sequel that M. Night Shyamalan wanted to direct, but after his last few craptastic movies, he couldn’t get the budget for a glass and a bucket of ice. The big twist at the end of the movie was going to be that these bodies were actually floating in Lemonade, NOT in Fruit Punch. Bam! Another M. Night Shyamalan classic.

I’m gonna play the X-Files theme while I watch these guys bob up and down in my Iced Tea. Then I’m gonna bite their heads off like the man-shark I am.

Cthulhu Backpack

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cthulu backpack
Don’t hurt your back carrying around heavy books. Let Cthulhu do the heavy lifting with his many suckered tentacles. This Cthulhu Backpack has your back and would like your soul and sanity as well. Use it to carry your school books or your HP Lovecraft books. Or both.

What? You use a kindle? Well la-de-da. Not all of us can afford a fancy- Oh wait. Just checked the price. I can afford that. I just have a third grade reading level, so I choose not to have one. So there. Are you happy? Me too. That fancy book reading takes valuable time away from internet picture reading.

Glow In The Dark Playing Cards

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glow in the dark cards
My alone in the dark poker games just got more exciting thanks to these glow in the dark cards. Who needs friends anyway? The images on the face cards transform and come to life under a black light. Turn the lights out and get playing. The only problem is that you can’t see the chips so you end up betting everything you have on a pair of twos.

That and you can’t see the chips, so you shove poker chips in your mouth instead of potato chips. Needs more salt.

Wolf Coat

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silver wolf costume
This Wolf Coat simulates what happened to me last week. There was a full moon and I transformed and started howling like crazy until they locked me up in a cage and waited for me to transform back to my pasty naked self in the morning. The next day the sheriff was all like, “The moon wasn’t even full last night.”

I was all like, “Sheriff, you gotta do something about those kids mooning people. Between that and my wife bending over, I never get any damn peace! Did you bring my clothes and 3 rotisserie chickens like I asked?”

Dirty And Clean Socks: Know Which Is Which

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dirty clean socks
Thank God for these Dirty And Clean Socks. It’s hard to know which socks are clean when you keep them all in 5 foot tall pile in the corner of the room. What can I say, my nesting instinct is strong and it’s been a cold winter. My mom came in and tried to wash them once and I hissed and shrieked until she went away, then dove in and watched from inside. That mound of smelly cotton is my precious.

I’ll still throw them in the corner until I fulfill my dream of an entire room full of cotton socks with my naked body in the center, but at least I will know what’s dirty and what’s clean. Until they are all inevitably dirty.