Tag: gag gift

Cheese Curl Art Prints

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cheese curl art print
Sure, these Cheese Curl Art Prints are pretty awesome. They have all kinds of cheesy art. There’s a Sasquatch, a cocker spaniel with it’s neck all tilted, the evolution of man in cheese curl form and much more.

About the only thing missing is an art print titled “Fat dude with cheesy puffs all over his shirt, licking his fingers and trying to type”. *Blinding flash* Spoke too soon! That will be a huge seller. Yells, “You gotta pay me royalties!” Damn paparazzi.
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Assortment Of Collars, Bow Ties And Neckties For Your Dog Or Cat

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neck tie collars for pets
Let’s say your dog has an important business meeting. You can’t just send him to the office in his flea collar and expect him to land that important account. You have to dress him for success and give him a neck tie. That’s where this set of Dog/Cat Neck ties come in handy.

Your dog will look confident, so he will be confident. Would you rather have your dog Known as Don Draper or Don Drooper? Worse yet, Don Dripper. The boss will be so impressed he might even throw him a bone or let him hump the leg of the office couch. It’s a dog eat dog world.
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Passover Plague Masks: One Holiday, Ten Plagues

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plague masks
Not to get all History channel here, but this requires some explanation. Basically the Pharaoh refused to let Moses’ people go so God sent a series of plagues upon the Egyptians. Not sure what his excuse was for those STDs he smited me with last year, but whatevs. These Passover Plague Masks represent the ten plagues. Sounds like a ton of fun.

Passover Plague Masks. Your child can choose from boils,wild animals,locusts,lice, firstborn, cattle plague, frogs,darkness, blood and hail. I call Locusts. I already have the boils on my butt and I’m pretty sure I have lice thanks to that thrift store hat I scored for a buck. More like 20 bucks since I had to buy that special shampoo. You live, you learn, you itch.

Wax-On Wax-Off Car Cleaning Kit

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wax-on wax-off car cleanerThis Wax-On Wax-Off Car Cleaning Kit should make your car nice and shiny. This car cleaning kit comes with two mitts, some car wax and a karate bandanna. I bought this like a year ago. Turns out I was doing it wrong. Let’s just say that the Wax-On glove is still in pristine condition, while the Wax-Off glove is pretty worn in.

The upside is that my junk is all shiny with a clear protective coating. My Sensei said I had what it took to get to the finals, but the training never seemed to end. “Again!” *Hits me with a bamboo stick* But Sensei, I’m worn out. I can’t do it. “Again!” Fine. Whatever.

That’s what I get for confusing “wandering mystic karate master who is wise because he mumbles” with “homeless guy who mumbles because he is drunk and deranged”. Say where’d you learn karate, master? “Me? I no know karate. I just like to watch you Wax-Off.” Fair enough. I’ll give you a ride to that overpass you like to sleep under. Then we go our separate ways.

Clock Hands Wall Clock

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clock hands
Are numbers too much for you? If you can’t figure out how to read a clock by using the hands and numbers, this Clock Hands Wall Clock takes it down to basics for you, showing just the hands. It’s like this one, but not quite.

I don’t need no stinkin’ numbers on my fancy timepiece. I tell time like every other American. By what’s on TV. Which also tells you the day. For instance if Better Call Saul is on, I know it’s Monday night at 10. Thing is, I don’t do well when people are watching DVDs all damn day. I’m trying to figure out the day and time people! What day is it? What year am I in? *Cries*