Tag: gift

Baby Maggot Purse

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Baby Maggot Purse
Where’s my purse? Well, it just didn’t get up and walk away. That’s not true if you are rocking the Baby Maggot Purse. It’s a baby, it’s apparently a maggot according to the seller and it will hold all of your important stuff. When you get home just drop it on the floor and it will put itself away. And all will be well until one day when you need to put it to sleep with a shotgun and then burn it in the fireplace. Trust me, it can happen.

Until then, enjoy.

The armored spine is a nice touch. The Baby Maggot Purse is not only evil, but also tough as hell. And apparently this thing is royalty judging by that tiny crown on it’s dead-eyed head. King of the maggots I guess. This thing is definitely nightmare fuel. Much like the baby maggot necklace.

Scary Stories Throw Blanket

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Scary Stories Throw Blanket
I’m under my Scary Stories Throw Blanket and ready for my scary stories right now. Which one of you is ready to read? You know the drill, I hide under the blanket, fall asleep within 5 minutes and you get to watch a wet spot slowly appear like a specter from my nether region. I know, I’m a real catch. I’m the scariest story. Ask any mother. Hell, ask anybody.

This blanket is inspired by the actual Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark book and will keep you warm while stories are being told. It’s a throw blanket so just throw it anywhere and everywhere. Toss it here and toss it there. Toss it everywhere. Toss your salad underneath. If you have a throw blanket you’re required to throw it like 10 times a day. It’s in the name. And I’m pretty sure that is federal law. All I know is that this is enough to get the “wet” out from the nightmare stories of the night before, but that’s just me. And hey, if dark mermaids are more your thing, check out this Mermaid Skeleton Blanket. It is pretty sexy and like totally goth and will look amazing in your home.

Ball of Worms – With Realistic Slime

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Ball of Worms - With Realistic Slime
Goodness gracious, great ball of worms. Throw these things back and forth and have a ball. Or a worm. It’s not a ball of wax, it’s not a ball of fun. It’s a great big ball of ewww! A ball of ick and ack, a ball that is whacked. Writhing worms, now with realistic slime coating. You could make one yourself by collecting worms from the dirt and compacting them into a nasty slimy ball, but it will always SPLAT on impact and that’s never pretty. Especially if you get hit upside the head. That’s how you get an ear worm.

These balls have all the yuck and none of the guts. They worm my heart. *You got balls kid!* Thanks, they’re full of worms. *Uh, okay, now get the hell away from me boy* Actually it takes real balls to display these things in your home. For real. And for some reason I never ever want to eat pasta again. I wonder why. I prefer these caterpillar babies.

Succulent Coffin Planter

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Succulent Coffin Planter
The Succulent Coffin Planter ensures that your succulents Rest In Peace. This Gothic planter proves that succulents don’t actually suck. How does your Goth garden grow? Pretty damn creepily thanks to accessories like this. It is especially good if you don’t have a green thumb and everything that you plant dies anyway. Now you will be prepared for every plant funeral. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…. This Succulent Coffin Planter shows that you respect plants. Even if you are a serial plant murderer.

Give it your best and if you have to, lay it to rest. That’s my gardening style. Of course, I have 5 acres of dirt and one dead Chia Pet. Cha cha cha chia. My thumb is black, not green. That’s why I stick with the Coffin Zen Garden. That way I have nothing to kill but time. Man, that’s deep.

Custom Furby Dolls – A Nightmare Evolved

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Custom Furby Dolls - A Nightmare Evolved
These are some creepy dolls. Don’t be fooled by Etsy shop PlushieCouture‘s cute name. Within their shop, you will find nightmares of the Furby variety. Like these Custom Furby Dolls. These are pure nightmare fuel. I thought run-of-the-mill(mouth) Furby’s were scary, but they are nothing compared to these hell-spawned creatures. Things get so much scarier when you put a Furby’s face on another body. Check out the shop and never sleep again if you have this toy in the house. Any of these toys. I know that I’m not sleeping any time soon. No way.

They have robot versions, worms, birds, Woody from Toy Story, He-Man, cats, gorillas, and more. There’s a custom Furby for everyone. These people love being Dr. Frankenstein to these creatures. All with that creepy Furby face that instills fear into the hearts of men. I’m actually cowering in a corner and crying as I write this. I can’t unsee it. So I share my terror with you. You’re welcome. We are all doomed. To be fair, crying in the corner is not unusual for me. Is it weird that I find that lady Furby above kinda sexy? Be honest, I know I have problems.

Read more “Custom Furby Dolls – A Nightmare Evolved”