I know that all of that wine is gonna kill my liver, so my bottle might as well have a coffin top. This Coffin Wine Stopper will help your liver and your wine RIP. That’s rest in peace. Just in case anyone thought I was typing a fart sound my butt just made. That would be more like riiippppp with a tight squeak. And it just happened for reals. Man, I need some coffin underwear now, cuz that one killed my colon. Scratch that. I just need new underwear.
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Cereal Killer Cereal Bowl
You know how you eat cereal out of a Cereal Killer Cereal Bowl? Well,first you lure your cereal to a nice secluded spot. Maybe the kitchen. Then you strike hard with a spoon, hoping that no one is nearby to hear any loud snap, crackles or pops as it fights you. Then you hide the cereal so there is no evidence left behind. In your mouth. Hide it in your mouth.
That is one creepy way to eat cereal. Oh and call yourself a cereal killer name. Like Son of (Toucan)Sam. Or the Cheerios Killer. Trix the Ripper….
Stainless Steel Skull Head Whiskey Chillers
Time to chill baby. With some Stainless Steel Skull Head Whiskey Chillers. And my whiskey definitely needs to chill. It was getting all uppity earlier and cursin’ up a storm. Gonna throw some of these in a glass and make it calm the f**k down! My Gin doesn’t act like that so WTF?
These skulls will chill any drink without watering it down. That’s what your kids are for. (They steal your booze and water it down. I don’t mean dunking their heads in your booze to chill it.)
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Amityville, Friday the 13th, Nightmare Elm Street Horror Crossroads Sign
Let’s see. Which way do I go? I knew I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque. This Amityville, Friday the 13th, Nightmare Elm Street Horror Crossroads Sign will guide the way. Although I don’t think you are going to like any of your destinations. I’m just turning back. Seriously, you have fun with whatever you choose. I’m gonna go take a nap or something.
Cthulhu Fireside Companion Set
This Cthulhu Fireside Companion Set is a set of cool tools for your fireplace. Probably forged by a blacksmith with some Cthulhu tentacle slime to give it magical properties. It is a “set”, not an actual “Cthulhu Fireside Companion”, cuz trust me, that doesn’t work.
Thanks for being my companion as I sit by the fire, Cthulhu. Hey, stop squirming. I know you barely fit in that chair, what with your butt-tentacles and all, but damn, sit still. What do you mean it’s too hot in here? Okay, so your skin is drying out. Put on some moisturizer. Damn, stop complaining and just enjoy an evening by the fire! You know something? You are not a good fireside pal!
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