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Coffin Makeup Brush Holder

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Coffin Makeup Brush Holder
Your current makeup look? It’s dead. Time to eulogize it and bury it in this Coffin Makeup Brush Holder. Then apply some more and let it rise like a Phoenix and cover your face anew. Your old look was Tammy Faye Baker? Your new look can be Tammy Faye Undertaker. Your makeup is only as good as your makeup holder ladies. Behind every pretty face is a coffin.

Oh damn, that sounded like something a serial killer would say. Forget I said it. The point is, this is a cool makeup case. Cool, cuz coffins are buried deep. Yeah, that sounded weird again. Okay, stop looking at me like I’m a freak now. I didn’t mean it like that. You try talking about a coffin makeup holder and see how you sound.
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Colorful Anatomy Coasters

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Colorful Anatomy Coasters
I like to bring out these Colorful Anatomy Coasters when I have guests. It’s a visual illustration of which body part I will harm if they don’t use the coaster and stain my furniture. Here, have a nice skeleton hand coaster. What? You set your drink on my tabletop and left a mark? Oh well, the coaster was the warning. *Hits their hand hard*

Nah. I would never cause anyone bodily harm. Except for myself obviously, by eating a pound of Cheetos everyday for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Insane Asylum Candleholder

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Insane Asylum Candleholder

This Insane Asylum Candleholder is insane! Insane in the membrane! Completely loco. Off the rails. Not playing with a full deck. Not firing on all cylinders. Stark raving mad. I only know all of these phrases cuz people say them to me all of the time.

This candleholder reminds me of that time I went to the Canadian border and shouted, “I seek political asylum!” Ten hours later as I’m being dragged by my arms through a mental ward, I’m all like, “No, I said political! Political asylum. Not insane, Political!”

Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein Bar Stools

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Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein Bar Stools
So Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein walk into a bar… That’s all I got, cuz I was so scared I left. But if you want them to visit your bar, get these cool Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein Bar Stools. Even monsters need a place to park their rumps. At least that’s what my wife says every time I enter the room, plop down into the chair and break it into a million pieces.

One chair has Franky’s face and the other features his bride’s face. If you buy these and put them in your home, they WILL come and run up a tab. I’ll come too as long as we have a tab going. I’ll have what he’s having. Even though he’s only having it cuz his wife’s face looks like that. Hey. don’t groan at me Frank, you married her.

Cthulhu Priestess: Our Lady of Squid

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Cthulhu Priestess Our Lady of Squid
This Cthulhu Priestess: Our Lady of Squid figure belongs on your altar. I know you have one cuz you worship Cthulhu. Well, now you have another deity to pray to. You know why her religion is taking off so fast? Cuz her church is full of suckers! Get it? Ha ha ha. Suckers. *crying* I really crack myself up. But really, this is Cthulhu’s wife so, it’s legit. I’m pretty sure it is sanctioned by the church and everything.

Our Lady of the Squid,
hallowed be your name.
Your tentacles come,
your will be done,
on earth, as it is in the sea.
Give us this day our daily terror,
and forgive us our non-tentacles arms….
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