Tag: horror

Black Skull Ring

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Black Skull Ring
This Black Skull ring is badass. Like Biker dude badass. I bet it gives you super powers too. *Puts ring on. Beard pops up on my face and grows ZZ Top length. Denim jacket forms around my body. I smell the stink of a thousand miles of road with just 20 miles of shower. I AM A BADASS.* Now all I’ll need is a trashy biker babe to ride with. Well, not that trashy. Recycling trashy, not food filled hefty bag with a week old diaper trashy. Be nice if she had a few teeth too, but that may be asking for too much.

Please don’t hunt me down biker gangs. I love your hairy fly-ridden women.

Grim Reaper Fiber Optic Christmas Tree Topper

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Grim Reaper Fiber Optic Christmas Tree Topper
This year, make Santa Claus think his time is up with the Grim Reaper Fiber Optic Christmas Tree Topper. Cuz the only thing grimer than a reaper is a Grim Reaper. The Grim Reaper is the grimmest reaper I know. He’s gonna be all on your tree like, “Hey Santa, was sup? I think ya better come with me. Leave the presents before you run off screaming. Thanks. Now c’mere you jolly ole f***!”

Alien Spider-Lady Sculpture

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Alien Spider-Lady Sculpture
Spider-Lady, Spider-Lady. Does whatever a Spider-Lady does. You know, eat her young, go to spinning class and spin some kick-ass webs all over town, wield a knife- Wait. What the- This Alien Spider-Lady Sculpture is more badass than I thought. Nice Medusa-like hair too. Your web or mine baby? You promise not to bite my head off after? Cool.

*Some time later* That was great baby! *Smokes* Nah, I’m good. I don’t need an extra blanket. No, really, stop spinning that cocoon around me. It’s too hot for- Oh poopy.
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Creepy Creeper Black-Eyed Leather Journal

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Creepy Creeper Black-Eyed Leather Journal
This Creepy Creeper Black-Eyed Leather Journal must be what all those black eyed children use for a diary.

Dear Diary,

Today I knocked on someone’s door and acted all creepy.I asked to come in and the guy was like “Oh hell no!” and slammed the door in my face. Then I knocked on another door. And another. And another. It is so hard to find a soul to devour and I am oh so hungry. Maybe if I tried a place with no doors, I wouldn’t have to ask permission before eating a person’s soul. *sigh*

Cthulhu Lava Hourglass

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Cthulhu Lava Hourglass
I tell time the H.P. Lovecraft way, with this Cthulhu Lava Hourglass. What time is it? It’s half past Cthulu’s ass and a quarter to his balls. It doesn’t matter what time you ask me, that’s always the time. This hourglass is lava-ly. I mean lovely.

The lava slowly counts down to a dark awakening that spells our doom.