This Skeleton Jacket is perfect if you are in a skeleton gang. My gang name is Bonez Inc. Straight outta calcium. Word! My crew runs wild. You’ll know it’s us cuz of them bones on the outside. Upper east side son! Skeletons for life! Gonna bone your wife!
Tag: horror
Twin Peaks Coloring Books
That gum you like is going to come back in style. Really? Cuz I prefer ABC gum. Already Been Chewed punk! *Grabs gum out of the midget’s mouth and pops it in mine.* These adult Twin Peaks Coloring Books are pretty awesome. And that’s a damn fine cup of coffee too. I can’t wait to color the log lady and give her a Hitler mustache.
The Jersey Devil Statue
I saw the Jersey Devil once and I never dated that high-haired, aqua-net infused, devourer of pasta and overly bronzed chick again. Thanks tinder. Thanks a whole lot. Gotta try another dating app. I hear good things about grinder, but I don’t know much about this tech stuff. I’m just a monkey typing away at the keys here, occasionally playing with my banana. Anyway, this The Jersey Devil Statue doesn’t come in bronze. Thank God!
It does come in red and- Oh hell, is that bronze? She didn’t see me. I don’t think she saw me. I blocked my face with my iPad. I think we’re good. That was close. Probably headed for a never ending pasta bowl somewhere. I’m outta here before she sees me.
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The Babadook Horror Movie Doll
What the heck is that thing? It just creeped right out of my closet and peeked at me, then went back in. I think it might have been The Babadook Horror Movie Doll.
I’m too scared to look
It must be the Babadook
Who’s responsible for that overdue book?
It must be the Babadook
The Babadook
He ain’t no crook
Can’t clean your house
Can’t even cook.
First name’s Baba
Second names Dook
I don’t care,
Cuz I’m too scared to look.
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Costume Bat Wings
Hey, get behind me and hold my hips for a sec while I put these Costume Bat Wings on. *Cue the music* “I’m flying, Jack! I’m flying!” Like poison ivy. Wait, she doesn’t fly.
Everybody is always like, “Grow a pair!” or “Why don’t you man up and grow a pair?” Man, I wish I could. If I could grow a pair, I would grow a pair of bat wings like these and then I would flap them together so fast and lift up and do ballerina moves so gracefully. All I’ve ever wanted was to do the bat-ballet.
Yo! That right there is why you need to grow a pair. Ya sissy!
*Startled out of my ballet as I twirl with my arms against my chest! Begins to sob. Lip quivers. Then I pull myself together.* Fair enough!
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