Twisted Toyland. Sounds like an adult sex shop. Deal me in! Nah. Just a cool set of tarot cards so some gypsy can tell your future. And that future is gonna involve some insane and demented toys. The Twisted Toyland Tarot Cards set is a 22 Card Major Arcana Tarot Deck. Who gives a reading with these cards? They’re all like, “I’ll charge you a hundred bucks to introduce you to the most demented toybox ever.” I’d be like, no thanks, cuz I had the most foul and darkest and most twisted toy box ever when I was a kid. But that’s only cuz I pooped in it(foul), my mom painted it black(darkest) and my dad was a sh*t carpenter(wood was all twisted).
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Tag: Major Arcana
Tarot Card Pendants
Take it from me ladies, you are going to look smashing wearing these Tarot Card Pendants. I know cuz I read your fortune. You are also going to meet a tall, dark, handsome man. It’s probably that guy who checked you out earlier. He’s a keeper. But he will hog the blankets at night. And chew with his mouth open. I know, I know, I see a lot of useless stuff, but it’s all true cuz my imagination powers the cards and the crystal ball. Oh and he also will never cook for you or clean, but seriously, he’s the one. I promise. You won’t regret it.
I’m hoping if I put that out there, one of you will run into me and settle for me, so I have it made. Okay, so who is gonna be my sugar mama?
Halloween Tarot Cards
This Halloween, give the gift that keeps on giving: A tarot reading about how they are doomed. These Halloween Tarot Cards are fun and they have some great art on them. I’m assuming, since it is Halloween themed, that the Death card has a bag of candy and is holding a scythe. I have no idea. I looked, but my attention span is- Did you see that cool Hamster on a piano video? That still makes me lol.
No really, this is a cool deck.
Thanks, I built it on the side of my home with wood!
That’s not what I meant. Nevermind.
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Serpents Tarot Card Deck
Wanna learn your future? Consult the Serpents Tarot Card Deck. No really. It’ll work. I’m not a snake oil salesman, I swear. Besides, you ever try to wring oil out of a snake? It’s not as easy as it sounds. Especially with the snake trying to bite the whole time. So I usually just grip it tight and put some lipstick on it, maybe a tiny hat. Really demoralize it so it stops struggling. Anyway, deal out some cards and read someones fortune.
Wait. Is this deck so you can give snakes tarot card readings? I’m a lot more confused than I thought I was, which is really saying something.
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The Wooden Tarot Card Deck
*Grabs my new Wooden Tarot Card Deck. Gets ready for my next customer to come in the shop.* Good day sir. Let us consult the cards and divine your future. Wanna cut the deck? I have a full house, how about you? Never mind, give me those back. *Shuffles like a madman* Hmmmm. This card is interesting.
Is it the death card?
Nope, Go fish! JK JK. No, it’s the fool card. Very appropriate since you paid like $200 for this session. Now shhhhhh. I’m concentrating. No. No. It’s gone now. Hmmmm. Did you recently come into some money recently?
Actually yes I-
Can you shut up? I’m trying to give you a reading here? Sheesh.
You will meet a tall and handsome stranger, but that’s just me. Congrats by the way. I hear I’m really awesome to be around. Hmmmm. This is very interesting. I see you in a relationship. I see a woman in a kitchen. This card says that she’s waiting.
That is my wife. She expects me home for dinner in an hour.
What is for dinner? Let me draw the card. Is it steak? Spare Ribs? Sueeee-wheat! I am starving! We’ll continue this over dinner.
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