The Wingman Shot Glass let’s you and your wingman get drunk at the same time so that your wingman is as useless as you are. It’s also perfect for conjoined twins. The more you drink, the drunker you are, therefore the more you backwash. Now you can both enjoy the nasty saliva pudding at the bottom of your drink.
By 3 AM you will both be in the parking lot trying to figure out how this clear tire iron works. You were supposed to be my wingman! Now what are we gonna do? I give up. Let’s just fill it with booze again and see what happens. Stop drinking so fast, it’s all over my shirt! Stop being a wuss and hold up your end!
I see a Fortune Cookie Coin Purse in your future. These Fortune Cookie Coin Purses look so real, you’ll want to eat them, but don’t. Trust me on this one. A purse full of pennies, nickels and dimes do nothing for your dental health. Yeah, I carry a purse! So what? It’s convenient. Plus, I’m the only one prepared to get revenge on all of those old ladies who take an hour to pay for their groceries with coins. I like to get ahead of them and give them a taste of their own medicine.
These fun purses even come with a printed fortune paper inside of each one. I see only one problem. *sprouts blue cookie monster fur* Me want real cookie! Give me cookie now!
So basically these Pick Your Nose Paper Cups let you wear someone else’s nose while drinking your favorite beverage. They are very on the nose. I have to admit to being a little bummed out. You can choose from all those noses and there’s no Tucan Sam? What the hell man. I’m not seeing any weird Owen Wilson noses either. Man, that guy. I can’t watch any of his movies without wanting to pop that snozzer back in place with a nightstick. I kid, I kid. Though the dude is super annoying. Just pick your nose, which you probably do anyway and drink up. No need to be snooty about it or nosy. Keep your nose out of my business and into this cup.
Anyway, the nose knows. Knows what? Hell if I know. These paper cups are going to make drunken mate selection very confusing at parties. I thought she had a mustache when I picked her up, but she looked clean shaven in the morning. Oh well. I hope she cleaned my razor after. Also check out the runny nose gel dispenser. If you have some sort of weird nose fetish, you will enjoy having both in your home. Read more “Pick Your Nose Paper Cups”
This Lounging Skeleton In Casket Desk Organizer is not going to rest in peace. Ever. Not after you bury him under all of your paperclips, pens and whatever else you pencil pushers use. Me? I don’t need a desk organizer. I have the old timey typewriter method of working. I type for a while, then when an old timey typewriter would need it’s paper changed like an infant needing a new diaper(Wah! Wah! I am old technology! Change me and powder my bottom!) I swipe everything off my desk to the left and repeat. It makes for a very tidy desk. And a mountain of crap to the left of it.
It’s cool. It’s mostly Kit-Kat wrappers and the insects that love them.
I’m out! Gonna go lounge like a skeleton. I better not wake up buried in paperclips you guys!
If you like to play your jams really really slow and leave a snail trail all over the stage, this Snail Ukulele should do the trick. You’ll have to get it by snail mail of course. You can check out a video of it in action below.It sounds pretty friggin’ awesome if you ask me.
I would get one, but I know people would just throw salt at me on stage. Then where would I be? Just standing there teary-eyed, my dreams dashed, with my arms full of a melting snail ukulele. Though that would be a step up from the rotten fruit and hazardous materials they throw at me now. Plus, I could finish a song and say cool stuff like. “Thank you. Thank you. Totally snailed it, I know” *bows, only to get hit in the head with a salt shaker*
People would follow me from gig to gig trying to kill my snail guitar and shut me up, because it isn’t easy getting salt all the way on stage. They would start with salt shakers, then work their way up to shotgun shells loaded with salt. I would just laugh and count my money as I watch my snail’s shell get bigger. Then one hot August night someone would drive a dumpster full of salt through the door and completely cover the stage. I would just rise up from the giant white mound, clear my throat and announce, “Ladies and gentlemen. Snailvis has left the building”.
