It’s Come To This – Christmas Tree Eyebrows

It's Come To This - Christmas Tree Eyebrows
This is peak humanity right here. If ants trapped on the tips of your fingers aren’t enough, get ready for this holiday season’s stupidest human tricks: Christmas Tree Eyebrows. People all over Instagram are turning their eyebrows into Christmas trees. This one here looks like two comets coming together to create another Starbucks customer. I guess you gotta do something creative with those two gold stars she earned from her vocab class. Another stupid trend. I’m surprised they’re not hanging giant ornaments from these eyebrows that block their vision too.

I would kiss that mouth though if she hung some mistletoe from her nose. What’s with the glowing “Omega” symbol in her eyes? Is she Illuminati? Now I can’t unsee it and this chick is really freaking me out. I think I may have just been programmed.

Anatomic Anna and Andy Anatomy Dolls

Anatomic Anna and Andy Anatomy Dolls
Imagine their surprise when you give little Johnny and Judy this set of dolls for Christmas. Cuz every kid wants to start playing with their dolls only watch their guts fall out. Meet the Anatomic Anna and Andy Anatomy Dolls. The king and queen of the creepy doll world. They are designed to help kids learn, but the only thing your kids will learn is that these dolls are f**king gross. They come with clothes and all kinds of accessories. And by accessories, I mean organs like the liver, spleen, heart, kidney and other gooey innards.

I mean, if you are raising your kid to be a coroner, I guess they have to start somewhere. Funding for this Kickstarter was unsuccessful. I can’t imagine why.

Werewolf Coloring Book

Werewolf Coloring Book
Do you love Werewolves? Then this Werewolf coloring book may be just the thing for you. I had an encounter with one the other night. I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vics. His hair was perfect. The book has 16 unique coloring pictures, along with some fun werewolf facts. If you love werewolves, you’re gonna love coloring this book. Don’t color under a full moon. Just don’t.

Undead Mad Libs

Undead Mad Libs
Mad libs? Why are they mad? Did the conservatives win something again? I kid. I kid. We don’t get political here. We just get kinda crazy. The kind of crazy where you wake up and find toilet paper all over the house and a chicken carcass all over the floor, then you notice a Cthulhu themed blow up doll on the chandelier. But enough about last night. Mad libs are awesome. I’m mad about ’em. Even crazy for ’em. You know what’s better than them angry libs? Undead Mad Libs! Boom. Undead makes everything better. Except for your skin. This set features 21 hilarious fill-in-the-blank stories about the paranormal. It has stories like “Confessions of a Vampire’s Girlfriend,” “How to Survive a Zombie Attack,” and more. Oh yeah. I am going to be filling in some blanks tonight baby! Where’s my pencil?

Snail Shell With Molars

Snail Shell With Molars
Holy molars! I just hope this Snail Shell With Molars leaves a toothpaste snail trail, otherwise, he’s gonna have some cavities. I name him CREST-Cargot! This dude is a little gummier than I expected. They look healthy though. Way to go SLUGger. The real question is when he leaves his shell, does he take his teeth or leave them? Snails… Nature’s slimy dentures.