You’re so snuggly Mr. Teddy Man. Will you make all of my dreams come true and love me forever? You’re so sweet. I wish I could lay here forever in your manly embrace. But I have to go to work and pine for you for the next 8 hours, while I wonder why I don’t have a real man. Oh no! I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Please don’t leave me! I can do better. I can change. I didn’t mean it! Please don’t- Oh, you aren’t leaving. I’m sorry. You really are the best. I don’t deserve you.
Tag: pillow for lonely people
The Not-A-Cat: It’s Not A Cat
The Not-A-Cat is not a cat. It just looks like a cat. Maybe you are allergic to cats or can’t afford to care for one. Well, now you can have Not-A-Cat. And just like a real cat, this thing will sleep all day and ignore you. The idea is that this lump of fur looks like a sleeping cat. You can stuff it into the corner of your couch and it will make it look like you have a real honest to glob cat, when in reality you have no one and nothing that cares for your company.
It’s not a cat. Just so we’re clear. It never claimed to be. It never will. It just wants to fill that lonely void in your life.
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Keep Cozy With Cthulhu: Tentacle Body Pillows
Sleep in the loving gentle embrace of Cthulhu with these tentacle body pillows from Etsy seller Teacupity. There are several variations available. Different colors, different suckers… Just be careful that they don’t pull you down into some dark alternate plain of existence.
Interesting fact: Every woman I’ve ever shared a bed with calls me Cthulhu, cuz I’m all grabby like an ancient terror with eight arms. And by every woman, I mean one woman. And when I say shared a bed, I mean for like 2 seconds at a mattress store. The good news is that they now have my picture on the wall. The bad news is, I’m still sleeping on two cat beds pushed together.
Click through for more images.
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Vegetable Snuggling: Have You Hugged A Carrot Pillow Today?
Seems wrong, but some people really get off on their veggies, to the point of taking them into their bed and- *Hands on face Home Alone style* -sleeping with them. Relax Vegans, Vegetarians and Vulva-sharians, I’m just talkin’ bout snuggling the carrot, not waxing it. This giant carrot body pillow is crazy.
Now you can get all up in that carrots grill and just snuggle the heck out of it, maybe even grind it a little. I ain’t judging. It’s all about comfort and whatever happens between you and the carrot is your business. It’s just $85 from Etsy. It’s 4 feet long, which suddenly makes me feel inadequate. Bigger than my carrot and bound to get more snuggles. What? I’m talkin’ bout my own carrot pillow.
More shots of the crazy carrot below as the seller takes it about town and points it at people and stuff.
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