Tag: sleeping

Wearable Japanese Futon

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

monster shaving kit
It’s almost as if I said to the universe, “Universe, I’m not nearly fat and lazy enough. You think you could send a product my way that will let me just fall down and sleep on a futon that I am already wearing? Cool. Thanks. You’re the best.” and he answered me!

I mean, judging by the picture, it looks like this Wearable Japanese Futon was made for Vulcans, but this will do! Thanks God. And I’m sorry about that whole Ten commandments thing, I really thought it was more of a checklist. I’ll do better! Pinky promise!
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The Not-A-Cat: It’s Not A Cat

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

not a cat stuffed toy
The Not-A-Cat is not a cat. It just looks like a cat. Maybe you are allergic to cats or can’t afford to care for one. Well, now you can have Not-A-Cat. And just like a real cat, this thing will sleep all day and ignore you. The idea is that this lump of fur looks like a sleeping cat. You can stuff it into the corner of your couch and it will make it look like you have a real honest to glob cat, when in reality you have no one and nothing that cares for your company.

It’s not a cat. Just so we’re clear. It never claimed to be. It never will. It just wants to fill that lonely void in your life.
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Hibernate With This Sleeping Grizzly Bear Bean Bag

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

sleeping bear bean bag
Some days you get the bear and some days the bear gets you. Some days you just lay down with the bear and roll around like a couple goofballs and hope to hell your buddy doesn’t rip your spleen out or take your face off.

This Sleeping Grizzly Bear Bean Bag looks pretty obese. That means he’s a good cuddler. At least that’s why my wife says I’m so cuddly. This fat bear is not just for sitting on. He’ll keep you warm even on the coldest night. And if he doesn’t I’ll just turn my lightsaber on and cut into his belly and climb in until a snowspeeder spots me in the morning. Then I’ll spend like 4 hours in a bacta tank recovering. It won’t be long before I head to the Dagobah system to train as a Jedi. Go me!
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