Hand Embroidery Of Saint Cthulhu

Hand Embroidery Of Saint Cthulhu
Worship at the altar of Saint Cthulhu with this Hand Embroidery Of Saint Cthulhu. It’s sacri-licious. Speaking of sainthood, what’s a guy gotta do to get sainted around here. This morning I helped an old lady across the street, later I even gave some down and out woman some money. I mean, sure, the old lady was running away from the nursing home(at a half mile per hour) and that nice lady I gave the money to was a prostitute, but still, I’m pretty sure I made both of their days.

I guess I’m gonna be a sinner and not a saint. The church never returns my letters anyway and that online petition for my sainthood only has 10 signatures and those are from my crazy cat lady neighbor and her nine cats. Not givin’ up though. I’m gonna keep rock n’ rollin’ if you keep on rock n’ rollin’. I know I can do this. We can do it together.

Alien Couture: Cthulhu Dress

Alien Couture Cthulhu Dress
When I talk to Cthulhu I look him in the eye. And if I ever get a chance to talk to a girl wearing this Cthulhu Dress, I’m gonna look her in Cthulhu’s eyes too and compliment them. Get it? The eyes at where the boobies are. *Giggles.* You look lovely in that dress. It has awakened an ancient evil from down below, if you know what I mean. Wink wink. Nudge nudge. What I’m saying is, you have nice tentacles. I’m saying you’re a hot mess in a Cthulhu dress.

Wear these with some Kraken heels and I’m yours honey. You drive me insane. No really. It’s a short drive, but it’s full of potholes and toll roads. Let’s take tha road trip together.

Cthulhu Fiber Optic Christmas Tree Topper

Cthulhu Fiber Optic Christmas Tree Topper
Merry Cthulhu everyone! Celebrate Cthulhu-mas with this awesome Cthulhu fiber optic Christmas tree topper. Look at him waving from atop the tree. He’s ready to spread the Christmas fear. This is gonna look great on my tree. I’m thinking of replacing the tree branches with tentacles too. Maybe trim the whole thing with some seaweed.

This thing stands 13.5″ tall and changes colors.
Read more “Cthulhu Fiber Optic Christmas Tree Topper”

Cthulhu Beard Made From A Green Octopus Tentacle

Cthulhu Beard Made From A Green Octopus Tentacle
What’s up Cthulhu? I see you took my advice and grew a Cthulhu beard. See, now you look like a wise and evil ancient horror. You’re welcome. What? No, I’m not gonna help you trim that thing. All these scissors are gonna do is cut off like a million bits of tentacle until it looks like a serial killer fought an octopus in here. Okay fine, hold still.

An hour later…

*Sweeping up tentacle shavings from all over the floor.* What’s that? Bag it up and take all of it to a restaurant? Some place that serves calamari? So that your evil can affect the bellies of a million mortals? Sounds like a plan. It’s all swept up and I’m outta here. I’ll check in on you next week and we’ll see about fixing that computer problem. No, I know, there’s really no reason your Facebook doesn’t work. You adjusted the rabbit ears and everything.

*Grumbles.* Christ, this guy’s worse than my own grandmother. Oh well. Ya gotta be cool to your elders.

Cthulhu Coffee Mugs

etsy cthulhu coffee tea mug
The best part of waking up is Cthulhu in your cup. It’s true. With every sip he tickles my nose and my tastebuds with his coffee soaked tentacles. These Cthulhu Coffee Mugs are spec-tentacle-tacular. I’m not even awake until I’ve had my Cthulhu brew in the morning.

When I down that drink, I look to the bottom of the mug and we lock eyes. He winks. I wink. Then I slam the cup down in satisfaction and break it into a million shards. He finds a new mug for a home and we do the whole thing over again the next day.
Read more “Cthulhu Coffee Mugs”