This Chick Magnet might be just the thing to get the ladies. That’s what a chick magnet is right? It’s crazy enough that it just might work. Woman sees chick, is impressed and that chick hangs around, thinks I have good taste in fridge magnets. Then we live happily ever after, calling each other chicken head. That’s a love story right there.
These taxidermy magnets are ethically sourced and totally whacked. All I know is that I need more chicken heads in my life. Cuz I’m weird like that.
Oh man, these Pillbug Action Figures are freakin’ cool. I’m red-pilled, or is it black-pilled? I can never keep it straight. I’m Dread-Pilled. Totally pillbugged the fug out! I can finally play with nasty dirt creatures in my own home, in a way that won’t gross me out. Whose up for a cool pillbug action figures fight? My house. Tomorrow. At noon. I’m ready to mash these crazy ugly bugs together as we make noises. Sadly, my mom will find whatever the cheap version is and buy me that. I wouldn’t be surprised if she glued a bunch of Prozac to some bug legs. It’s happened before ya know.
Look honey, I got you the latest popular action figure. This one is even better because it is a real pill bug. Yeah thanks. Why couldn’t you tell me before I had it all in mouth, like the 5 year old that I am?
It’s a thrill bug baby. Or a chill bug. Depending on what medication she had in her purse when she manufactured it like Mommy Mattel in her crazy kid’s lab, whipping up all kinds of child unfriendly toys. Yeah, mom is a lot weird.
Check out these super cool Gothic Bat Hand Towels. These look so cool. I don’t care if your bathroom is in a giant haunted mansion, an old victorian, or a trailer, these towels are going to goth up your guano room. They are great for Halloween, but I’m going to use these every day. Cuz I’m a good boy. I always wash my hands. These hand towels are soft and durable and feature an image of a bat and a crescent moon. I love it. Do you love it? Of course, you do. It’s 80% polyester, 20% cotton, and 100% awesome. Dry those hands on some Gothic Bat Hand Towels after you wash them. And if you don’t pick some of these up? Then you better dry your eyes with something else because you’ll be crying at the missed opportunity. I just love that design. Speaking of great design, check out this cool Bat crop top.
Now that’s what I call Creep Wear. This Bat Crop Top is the ultimate in boobie-covering technology. God, I wish I was that bat. You would be the wind beneath my wings. The wind is very nipply today, so let me hold you tighter, my love. Is it technically a bra? A halter top? Crop top? Bat brazier? I have no idea, but I know it is a bat made to protect your jubblies. And boy, does it look sexy. Whether you are headed for the convenience store, at the beach, or living during the apocalypse, this bat crop top will always look amazing. Bat boobs are always in fashion, after all. Let’s face it they are probably the two greatest things in existence.
Gotta be a B cup, too cuz it’s a Bat. I’m just guessing. A bat cup, if you will. Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable and put your bat on, my dear? I’ll get the bat wine opener, and we can have a quiet night in.
Holy hell these are some terrifying Nightmare Halloween Pumpkin Skulls. I’ve seen my share of skeletons, skulls, bones, brains ghosts, ghouls, goblins and other assorted horrors, but I’ve never seen any skulls scarier than these. If you have these horrors on your porch this Halloween, the kids that come to your door are going to be scared senseless. You may hear a lot of screaming, followed by running on the big night. You no good little brats aren’t going to be smashing these pumpkins. These here pumpkins can defend themselves. These undead heads are hungry and ready to eat and I’m pretty sure they aren’t after any candy. In fact candy will be littering the streets this Halloween as children and adults disappear mysteriously. Which is great for me actually. I’m gonna bring a snow shovel and a pick up truck and clean it all up. Man these things are freaky looking. It is now truly a Halloween of horrors now that I have seen them. If I could find a mask like these Nightmare Halloween Pumpkin Skulls, I would so win Halloween and get whatever prize one gets for winning the best part of October. Also check out these cool pumpkin appendages.