Author: Artemis Winterford

Tushiez Vases Are Herb Garden Holding Butts

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Tushiez Vases Are Herb Garden Holding Butts
So basically these Tushiez Vases Are Herb Garden Holding Butts. Butts that hold herbs or small plants. They are anatomically designed to be the most accurate butts they can be. Except the weiners are missing cuz people lose their shizz when they see a weiner, even if it’s on an old Roman statue. Weiners just aren’t enjoying the kind of popularity they had in ancient times when they were swinging everywhere and knocking into everything like swords. They need better PR. That’s my new company: Weiner PR. Let’s make weiners great again.

I don’t know. Looks like these were based on Cherub butts or something. Hey, can you get me some fresh sage? Sure, but I don’t know how fresh it’s gonna be coming out of this dude’s butt though. Look at ’em all lined up and jostling each other. That guy on the left is all like, hey, stop with the pushies on my tushiez already. No you stop your pushies on my tushiez!

Embroidered Spider Notebook

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Embroidered Spider Notebook
Use this Embroidered Spider Notebook to write down whatever you want, but I’m gonna use it to write my one man rap play called “One-man Spider Killing Army”. Here’s the theme song:

I’m a one-man spider killing army
Cuz eight legged freaks be tryin’ to harm me.

Black Widow, Brown recluse, I don’t give a f**k.
I spray Raid and Black Flag all over my truck.

Feelin’ kinda woozy when I hit that stop light.
My head hits the dashboard and I say goodnight.

Bugs don’t stand a chance cuz I creep up on ’em like a villain.
Then I raise my boot and I stone cold kill ’em.

They creep up to my club like some VIP
Then they get a hit of some DDT!

It’s gonna be awesome. The rest is a secret. Totally gonna kickstart it.

Mr. Gross Face iPhone 7 Case

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Mr. Gross Face iPhone 7 Case
Call this nightmare monstrosity anything you want. I think we can all agree that it’s ugly. A face only a mother could love? This guy’s mother left him on the church doorstep. Then burned the church down. Dude is so ugly, he went to a haunted house and came out with an application. He is so ugly, when he sits in the sand, cats try to bury him. Damn this dude is ugly. Fugly even. But if you like ugly and disgusting, this iPhone 7 case is for you. I gotta look away, so later peeps.

Skeleton Light Switch Cover Plate

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Skeleton Light Switch Cover Plate
I like to see skeletons every time I flip the switch. So I guess it’s good that I’m the local electric chair executioner. I kid. I kid. I like to see them on my light switch cover. Even if this Skeleton Light Switch Cover Plate does make me scream every time I turn the lights on. It shows a skeleton from the front and from the back. And may I just say that you have a nice pelvis. Hey, does your gluteus maximus turn into a gluteus minimus when you are all bones? I’m gonna say yes.

Super Terrifying Cat Candle Holder

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Terrifying Cat Candle Holder
This cat candle holder is scary as hell, with the glowing eyes, crazy attitude and Mr. T gold chain. Oh and the bat wings. It’s nom nom time and fluffy isn’t f**king around! The only string this cat wants to play with is your intestines. Probably looks crazy as hell with a candle in him. It will probably scare any mice you have away for good.