This Gross Eyeball Pen is nasty. The problem is that it sees everything you write. You won’t have any secrets when you use this pen. You write something it doesn’t like, then it’s gonna eyeball you. It seems to have some festering blisters on it too. Yeah you ugly eyeball pen. I bet you show it a mirror and it wrecks its ugly self. I’m gonna make a special single sunglass for this thing. It will never look cool, but this will help.
Author: Artemis Winterford
Nightmare on Elm Street Playing Cards
One two, Freddy’s raising you. Three four, better bid some more. Five six, and all that stuff, you will die if you call Freddy’s bluff… And that’s a typical game of poker with Freddy. Now you can deal him into any card game thanks to these sweet Nightmare on Elm Street Playing Cards. I got a full house, Freddy high. I got a straight. Straight up killer! I gotta flush. No, really, I forgot to flush when I used the bathroom last time. Be right back.
Horror Movie-Inspired Pop-Tarts From Kill-oggs
Pop-Tarts. It’s what’s for dinner! Although these might make you lose your appetite. Artist Newt Cloninger-Clements created these Horror Movie-Inspired Pop-Tarts for a not so well balanced breakfast. In fact, it’s a very unstable breakfast, with tendencies toward murder and gore. That “Evil Dead” version is just perfect. I also dig the Nosferatu flavor. Nosfera-tart! Hit up Newt Cloninger-Clements page for more. Try not to eat too many kids, cuz Pop-Tarts can turn into Pop-Sharts in a heartbeat and you didn’t bring a change of pants.
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Alien Head Pillows – Extrater(rest)rial
These Alien Head Pillows are perfect for alien-themed sleepovers. Isn’t Brad dreamy? OMG! What about Chandler? We should do our hair! Then before you know it, you are having a pillow fight and throwing alien heads at each other. Problem is that aliens can see you doing this through your window and they think that you have decapitated a bunch of their friends and are tossing their heads around in a berserker bloodlust rage. You are so getting probed tonight! Like probed deluxe, with all the trimmings. Sometimes intergalactic misunderstandings happen. I’m sure you will all laugh about it later aboard the UFO, while you say don’t make me laugh, my butt hurts too much.
Toys For Little Creepers – Plush Skeleton Dolls
I can’t decide if these Plush Skeleton Dolls are cute or creepy, but that one guy in the back with no face… Nightmare fuel! Look at them. Just one big happy family with momma skeleton holding them all on a rocker. They’re tight too. Nobody makes fun of no-face or calls him names like Void or Spaceface, but you can tell that even they are creeped out by him. Did you know that plush skeletons grow up to become all rigid and bony, losing all of their plushy flesh by 12 years old? True story.
Do you think that pumpkin stole that kids face? Damn. Now I’m more weirded out by the pumpkin. Probably took his soul too. Yeah, that pumpkin is the real power behind the throne. There’s some messed up stuff going on here.