This Light Switch Switchplate tells you to sleep well, because you will likely be dead in the morning. I find it comforting, but that may just be because that’s the same thing my wife says every night. She crazy.
Pro tip: If what happened in Vegas really stayed in Vegas they wouldn’t have wedding chapels. Trust me, what happens in Vegas? Sometimes you bring it home. Because you don’t have enough pain and misery in your life.
Hello Earthling. This is my life size UFO, which is totally rad and stuff. Don’t touch the paint. Take me to your leader. I really need to do a number 3. Better call a hazmat team. I had space chili earlier. You know what they say about space chili. It scratches that itch, but the ride home’s a biatch.
You gonna take me to your leader or what? I just Blarted in my space suit! You don’t know what that means, but trust me on this one, back up like 20 feet and don’t approach the impending crater for 24 hours.
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Are all Zombie Head Magnets present and accounted for? Let’s take a head count? Who’s the head zombie here? Oh, you’re all heads. Nevermind then. Carry on. I’m gonna head out now. No offense. You all are welcomed for the heads up.
Put these magnets on your fridge and scare people so they don’t steal your food. Your fridge will look good, but don’t let it go to your head. Ha! I got one last head joke in. You needed another like you need a hole in the head, but still.
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Spiderweb Bookends. I already have my own. It’s called not reading and allowing spiders to decorate. The webs hold my books in place, while all of the dead flies aka spider juice boxes insure that I will never ever touch a book again.
I would listen to books on audio, but I got spiderwebs in my headphones too. What? I don’t use my stuff a lot! And once the spiders get to it, I ain’t using it. And I can’t listen to the books I like out loud, because they usually involve the Scottish Highlands, a dashing open-shirted rogue and the enchanting young maidens who fall for him.
These Zombie Apocalypse Partners Key Chains are a must have when the undead are shambling around, with bits of skin flaking off and on a quest for brains. You’re my partner right? You mean so much to me. You’re my bestest bestie. Here, take this. It’s dangerous to go alone.
*Two weeks later after we’ve been separated.* Take that zombie. *Knife to the undead head.* Don’t ever try to hug me you undead sack of- What the-
*Looks at keychain sticking out of it’s pocket. A tear gently streams down my face*