Gonna buy this Zipper Choker Necklace for my wife. She’ll get all choked up about it. Or maybe choke me. You never can tell. Everytime she wears it I’m gonna be all like, “XYZ. Examine your zipper.” I might even call her zippy. Depends if she’s in a punching mood or not.
Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah
Zip-A-Dee-A
My oh my, what a wonderful day.
I didn’t do it! Don’t look at me. I was just sipping my morning coffee. It looked like normal mug when I started. Took a few sips and BOOM. Baby bump. Now it’s a Pregnant Lady Cup. Great. Now I’m gonna have to be responsible for several little baby cups. I can’t even take care of myself. Guess I’m gonna have to move back in with mom and dad. I think she trapped me, but what can you do?
This clock/watch looks like a giant freaky spider. No. Just no. If I had this $16,000 – $18,000 clock in my home it would always be the same time: Time to kill spiders, time to wig the hell out and hide in a corner and then time for this thing to die once I work up enough courage to stop whimpering and hit it with some junk mail like I have a limp wrist!
I don’t ever want to know the time again. *Leads the pest control guy into the room and points*
You sure you want me to spray insecticide all over that?
Just spray it. Stomp on it and take it with you! DO IT NOW!
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Heads will roll, I mean turn, when you wear this awesome Guillotine Necklace. You should totally get a little action figure and put it’s head in this. Something innocent like E.T. or C-3PO. I hate both those guys. Is it Gee-O-Tine or Gill-O-Tine? I can never get that right. Gill-O-Tine sounds like a protein drink for fish. Pretty sure that ain’t right. Whatevs.
It’s a sharp and primitive instrument of death. For your neck.
This guy is getting hugs all day long from this Facehugger Mask. He still looks surprised about it. This creepy critter wants to hug your face next. Will you let him? Or her? I have no idea about it’s gender. When it comes to a face hugger’s sex, I don’t ask, don’t tell. Just don’t want none.
I ain’t that desperate. Okay, I am, but I’m trying really hard not to be tempted by that sexy hugger of faces. You minx. Okay fine, you sexy seductress, hit my face all hard and squishy and start huggin’. Oh yeah. Just like that.
Read more “Facehugger Mask”